


Seems So Simple

by Imogen_LeFay



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Brittany S. Pierce/Artie Abrams, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, Infidelity, M/M, Sebastian At McKinley, Sebastian Smythe/Blaine Warbler, Spinning Off Blame It On The Alcohol, Unrequited Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson, aka the gift that keeps on giving, season 2!AU, technically, things are complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27876698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay
Summary: The first time Sebastian notices Blaine Warbler is at Rachel’s party, and what starts out as a simple quest to help a hot guy with his sexuality crisis quickly spins out of control. Between baggage from France, the general insanity of New Directions, and growing feelings, his sophomore year turns out even crazier than expected.Season 2!AU, in which Sebastian’s at McKinley, and doing as well as could be expected, until Blame it on the Alcohol happens.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce, Santana Lopez/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 173
Kudos: 173





	1. Flying Sparks

**Author's Note:**

> Me, a week ago: Cool, just finished a longer multi-chapter fic, now I'll take it easy for a bit. Like, write a oneshot or two... see if some holiday inspiration hits... slowly start mapping out the next longer fic I'll write, but like, I won't even start with that one till like January.
> 
> ...You see where I'm going with this, yes?
> 
> So, here’s what you missed on Canon Divergence:   
> Sebastian moved to Ohio a year earlier than in Canon, and due to certain events in Paris, his father decides to put him into public school. For some reasons (Santana Lopez), he ends up in New Directions, and as Santana’s boyfriend. But why are Santana and Brittany still so damn close? And what happens, when he runs into Blaine Warbler?  
> We’ll see, but that’s what you missed on Canon Divergence!
> 
> Basically, this is a season 2!AU with Sebastian at McKinley, and what happens when he encounters Season 2!Blaine in all his glory.   
> Not to confuse you, but I’ll play with the timeline a bit to make things suit my storyline better. Mostly, the sexy storyline is split in 2, and the Night of Neglect takes place before Regionals. But it shouldn't be too confusing.
> 
> Now, a warning about sexuality. Yes, this fic has two canonically gay characters in a het relationship. I’m not trying to take away anyone’s orientation. But honestly, the subject is complicated. There are people figuring themselves out only over time, a lot of people have exceptions, there’s societal pressure, not everything is black and white, and yes, we will touch upon the Kinsey scale. Basically, yeah, it’s complicated. In the end, a lot of that relationship boils down to Santana struggling.
> 
> Title is from “Out Of The Woods” by Taylor Swift

* * *

Looking around at the train wreck of a party currently taking place in Rachel’s basement, Sebastian once more had to marvel at just what had gone wrong in his life to end up here, of all places.

Yes, the way he left things in Paris had been… unfortunate, to say the least, and fine, the company he’d kept hadn’t exactly been stellar. It still was a bit rich of his mother to throw her hands in the air, proclaiming she could just not deal with this anymore, and send him off to the US so his dad could finish raising him – like she’d done such hard work at it in the first place instead of ignoring him to attend her boozy soirees…

Not for the first time he wondered how easy his life could have been, if his father just followed her parenting philosophy. But for some reason, be it a guilty conscience or on the insistence of Colette or Evelyn or more likely both, his father had decided to actually get involved, and use discipline. If things had gone just a bit differently, Sebastian might actually have gone to Dalton Academy. But his father had decided to keep a closer eye on him, and so it was public school for him.

Still, of all the public schools in Ohio, why did it have to be McKinley?

Between the psychotic cheerleading coach, the bumbling principal, the fact that they used slushie as a verb and whatever was going on with the glee club, Sebastian wasn’t sure whether he’d stumbled into the set of some reality tv show. Mostly, it had taken him about two days to realize who was on the bottom of the food chain. Whatever he would do, there was no way he’d go anywhere near the train wreck that was New Directions.

Of course, that was before Santana Lopez had stepped into his life, and single-handedly ruined everything. He’d known, of course, he didn’t have to go along with her frankly insane plan to usurp the position of Quinn Fabray and her football player boyfriend. He could have turned away, focused on school and sports, and kept his head down.

Too bad that Santana proved to be actual fun, and now he was stuck with the group of misfits he’d sworn to avoid. And even she couldn’t make up for the fact that he somehow ended up at the lamest party ever. Besides, Santana wasn’t exactly a lot of fun tonight, glaring and grumbling about something. He looked away, taken aback to see Artie wheeling Brittany around, while she told everyone who could hear about her robot horse.

“I’ll get another drink,” he said, pushing Santana off his shoulder to sit for herself. “What have you been having? Cause I’m going to bring you literally anything else.”

“Just get me a Margarita,” she said.

Sebastian snorted. “I’ll be lucky to find tequila,” he said.

He made his way over to where the drinks were, but just so managed to stop before someone fell into him.

He bit down the sarcastic remark when he realized he found himself in front of none other than Blaine Warbler.

Of course, Sebastian had heard about him before, even seen him at Sectionals – lead singer of the Dalton Academy Warblers, impeccably mannered, openly gay, and also apparently Kurt Hummel’s dream date. Although, judging from his behavior, nobody seemed to actually have told Blaine Warbler that was what he was here for.

He seemed different out of his school uniform, even his hair with less gel than Sebastian remembered from Sectionals. He had no reservations to drink with the rest of them, dance around like crazy, and join various drinking games. Most importantly, he wasn’t glued to Kurt’s side but easily socializing with other members of New Directions.

And now, he’d almost stumbled into Sebastian, not even shy as he apologized, with a spark in his golden eyes that Sebastian found intriguing. The posh schoolboy façade at Sectionals had been interesting. But this? Blaine Warbler letting loose?

Kind of hot.

“So… out of your uniform for once,” Sebastian said. “That’s a new look.”

Blaine laughed, and honestly... it was kind of infectious. “I don’t even wear it that often,” he said. “But seriously, I’m not here as a Warbler. I’m honestly just here because Kurt invited me. He really wanted to come. Sure, technically he’s not on your team anymore, but he misses you guys like crazy.”

“Why?” Sebastian asked, frowning. “New Directions are a mess, and he’s spent most of his time complaining about not getting solos.”

Blaine looked at him in confusion, like he couldn’t figure out how much of that was sarcasm. “Aren’t you guys like this big family?”

“We almost didn’t make it on stage at Sectionals because everybody was having a meltdown over not getting enough spotlight, and also something about Rachel being pissed Finn hooked up with Santana…”

“Santana… your girlfriend, right?” Blaine asked. “She’s the… intense one?”

Sebastian chuckled. “That describes pretty much all of them. Except maybe Brittany, and I don’t really get what the hell is up with her brain. But it’s okay. You can say it.”

“Say what?”

“The scary one.”

Blaine laughed, shaking his head. “I was about to say angry,” he said. He looked up at something over Sebastian’s shoulder and frowned. “Um… your girlfriend is kind of making out on the couch.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes as he turned around. “She does that sometimes,” he said. He wasn’t quite surprised to see Santana and Brittany on the couch, clearly having a great time kissing, while Sam, Artie and Puck were standing around, watching them. Puck was cheering them on, Sam seemed kind of into it, but Artie looked like he wasn’t quite sure what to think of this. Well, at least they had a few brain cells between the three of them.

“I guess I’ll have to take care of this,” he said. “But stay around, Blaine Warbler. I still want to get into that head of yours.”

As he turned around, he could hear Blaine chuckle. “My head, huh?”

Sebastian looked back just in time, to see Blaine winking at him, before turning away, and walking off. Sebastian watched him for a moment, but then he remembered he was going somewhere, and returned to his former spot.

“So, what’s this about?” he asked Artie, who seemed the most conscious of the three guys.

But of course, it was Puck who answered. “Drunk girls are the best. Seriously, all you have to do is dare them to make out with each other, and you get a show.”

Not for the first time, Sebastian wondered if everyone at McKinley was continually stoned. It would explain so much.

“Super hot,” he said, trusting in the fact that Puck’s sarcasm detector was abysmal even when sober.

“How come straight girls always want to make out with girls when they’re drunk?” Sam asked.

Sebastian stared at him but refused to dignify this with an answer. What the hell had his dad been thinking, putting him into a public school, and especially _this_ public school? Was this another layer of punishment? Or was that supposed to be “character building”, teaching him how to act around people too dumb to live?

With a sigh, he sat down on one of the chairs, looking at the rest of the party, where Tina seemed to be halfway into some sort of mental breakdown.

New Directions were insane, and he started to wonder why on earth he’d agreed with Puck’s plan to put alcohol onto that particular powder keg.

Although, when he looked up, he thought there might be benefits.

Blaine Warbler had somehow made his way over, and was walking right up to him, a red solo cup in his hand. His hair had gotten even looser, and he looked a bit disheveled.

“Sebastian, hey!”

Now, that might be interesting.

“So… is everything okay?” Blaine asked, looking with some curiosity to where Santana was this close to climbing into Brittany’s lap, when Puck let out a catcall so loud, that she instead turned around and threw a pillow at him. Unfortunately for him, that brought him the attention of Quinn and Lauren, who started berating him for… honestly, Sebastian didn’t catch enough to understand it, and really, he didn’t care.

“Honestly… it’s kind of what I expected,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “This is pretty much on point for New Directions. In case you were wondering, for your secret spy mission.”

Blaine laughed, shaking his head. “Still not spying,” he said, “besides, don’t you write your setlist like the day before? The warblers are a bit more structured. Really, I should be more worried about you guys getting me drunk and trying to get information.”

“Not the worst strategy, you have to admit,” Sebastian said, winking.

“Well, better than your last attempt, although that might be due to your choice of spy – maybe next time try a less obvious one,” Blaine replied, smirking in return. “I’m just saying, _you_ probably wouldn’t have looked that out of place at Dalton.”

“Oh, rub it in,” Sebastian said with an exaggerated sigh. “To think I was so close to going there…”

“Right, Kurt mentioned you moved here from France?”

“I lived there with my mother’s family,” Sebastian said. “But I’m afraid I partied too hard, and now I reap the punishment. Just look at this, compared to all the things I could have had.”

“I don’t know, you seem to be pretty doing well for yourself,” Blaine said with a shrug. “You’re captain of the soccer team, right?”

Sebastian had to stop himself from shuddering at the sound of the word. “ _Soccer_ , sure. Or as the rest of the world calls it, football.”

“That’s not football.”

“Careful, Blaine Warbler, you might be cute but not cute enough to make up for that,” Sebastian said. “Although honestly, I’m not that attached to it. I’m just doing this because of course a place like McKinley doesn’t have a Lacrosse team…”

“Dalton has one, you know?”

“Again, rub it in,” Sebastian said, shuddering.

To his surprise, he noticed that Blaine was looking at him with something akin to compassion. “I kind of get it,” he said. “I used to play polo, but… kind of can’t do that anymore.”

“Why’s that?” Sebastian asked. “I mean, Dalton is pretty fancy, if your family can afford that…”

“Kind of the problem,” Blaine said with a shrug. “It was one or the other. And first, I picked polo, but then… things changed.” There was a shadow over his face, and Sebastian sensed that whatever was going on there, he clearly didn’t want to talk about it.

He was just about to change the subject, when Puck was rushing past, clearly trying to flee from Quinn and Lauren, and he just so pushed against Blaine. It wasn’t forceful, just enough for Blaine to lose his balance, and Sebastian already braced for the spill of his drink, but thankfully it was almost empty. Instead of a lap full of cold, sticky liquid, he found himself with a lap full off gorgeous, disheveled boy. On instinct, Sebastian brought up his empty hand to steady him.

Blaine looked up at him from underneath unfairly long eyelashes. “Oops,” he muttered, just a bit too innocent. Sebastian also noticed that he made no attempt to stand up, moved around just a bit to get more comfortable.

Definitely interesting.

“Careful,” Sebastian said, “would be a shame if you fell.”

“Wouldn’t be so bad,” Blaine said, “as long as there’s someone to catch me.”

“Dangerous talk, Blaine Warbler.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked. He actually seemed to be getting closer, Sebastian could definitely feel his breath at this point. Intoxicating, to the point that he forgot about the rest of the party and New Directions and whatever Santana and Brittany were up to behind them.

“What’s that?” Sebastian asked.

“That’s not my name,” Blaine said. “It’s Anderson.”

Sebastian smirked. “I think I like Blaine Warbler.”

“Do you now?”

It had to be on purpose, the way Blaine’s voice took on that husky quality. But what got Sebastian more than anything was the way Blaine was looking at him, again through his eyelashes, a knowing smirk on his lips. It made Sebastian hesitate for just a second. They were close already, and he had an idea where this was going in the next seconds if he didn’t put a stop to it. It might be dangerous, really, and all in the open. Then again, was there any real danger? He was surrounded by the New Directions, nobody batted an eye at Santana and Brittany’s make-out session, so what did it matter if he indulged a little? Sure, everyone assumed him to be straight, but… that sounded more like it was their problem. He inclined his head just the slightest bit, and he could see the second Blaine Warbler got the message, leaned in slowly, steadily, his eyes fluttering shut, and then…

“There you are!”

The moment was shattered like a glass by the high pitch voice of Kurt Hummel, and the next second, Blaine Warbler was basically dragged out of his lap.

“Sorry about him. Come on, Blaine, Tina wanted to show us something.”

Blaine threw him a helpless look as he was dragged away, and Sebastian stared after him, his mouth still open.

There was a snort beside him, and when he turned, he realized that Santana had taken a break of her make-out session and slid up beside him.

“Did you seriously just get cock-blocked by Kurt Hummel?” she asked.

“Night’s not over yet,” Sebastian replied. “Where’s Brittany?”

“Getting another drink,” Santana said. There was a challenge in her voice as if she was just daring him to say something.

He couldn’t be less interested in that. Santana’s razor-sharp tongue was one of the best things about the whole damn public school, but it was a lot more entertaining if it was used against someone else.

“Spin the bottle!”

It sounded like a war cry, thrown out with the whole impressive volume Rachel Berry could muster, and somehow, almost everyone actually gathered in a circle. Kurt was grumbling about it, but Blaine Warbler in all his drunken glory seemed completely thrilled. They were almost across each other, and Sebastian could have sworn there was a smirk and a wink.

Either this boy was insanely drunk, or he knew exactly what he was doing. Possibly both. It was fine with Sebastian. To think that he’d get another chance to see just what Blaine Warbler had to offer… all he needed was a bit of luck. With a grin, he took the bottle over protests from the rest of the group and span. He managed to hide his disappointment pretty well, when it landed on Brittany. She was leaning over the circle and kissing him already before he could even move. And, well, at least she was a good kisser, but he could have done without Santana almost dragging them apart after like two seconds, her fingernails digging into his skin. He could hear her muttering Spanish curses as she dragged him to sit beside her, but he was pretty sure she wasn’t too upset over him in this, and either way, her mood seemed to improve at least a bit when Brittany span and leaned over to kiss her, even though the bottle was pointing somewhere between Puck and Lauren.

The next few rounds were absolutely not interesting, and Sebastian already started to wonder if there was any point to this when it was Rachel’s turn. Now, of course, the bottle would land on Blaine Warbler.

He didn’t expect much – Rachel, as adventurous as beige paint, kissing a gay guy? That would be a short peck, and then, Sebastian could hope for the luck of the spin.

Except it wasn’t. Rachel was going all in, and Blaine Warbler went along. Instead of a short kiss, they started honestly making out, with him grabbing her face to pull her closer, really letting loose. Damn, now he really wished he got in on that action. He didn’t quite see the appeal of Rachel Berry outside of her voice, but this? It helped how into it the both of them seemed, dragging it out way longer than the game would have demanded, and when they moved even closer, Sebastian was kind of glad to be sitting.

“Okay, we’ve had enough of this now!” Kurt screamed, his face distorted in a joker like smile, as if that was in any way hiding how not happy he was with the situation.

“Your face tastes awesome,” Rachel said, not even acknowledging the interruption.

Blaine was looking at her, blinking as if he was in some kind of daze. And damn, Sebastian was not impatiently waiting for him to take the bottle and start the next round… but even if, he’d be disappointed because of course that was when the dumb game ended because Rachel just had to get a duet in.

He really couldn’t catch a break tonight.

“Looks like prep school found someone else,” Santana said, her speech slightly slurred. “Too bad for you.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes, glaring at her. “Go make out with your girlfriend,” he said. His eyes fell to the corner, were Brittany was sitting on Artie’s lap, making out with him instead. “Ah… _dommage_.”

“ _Cállate_ ,” she muttered, before dragging him back over to the tequila stash.

Well, she’d always come up with the best strategies.


	2. The Kinsey Scale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by my complete lack of self-control.  
> Both in "stop writing now, look at the time, you need to be asleep like an hour ago", and in "how about you post every 7 days no matter how fast the individual chapters are done, to have something like a regular schedule".  
> Anyway, the fic will update randomly, but probably around once per week? We'll see. Unusually optimistic to make it work for this.
> 
> This chapter is also the foundation of the whole fic - this was my cute little one-shot idea, that got complicated once I thought of follow-up oneshots that kind of didn't work with the original tone, but once I realized it's a multi-chapter fic, it worked out.
> 
> Also, just as a side-note, some canon scenes will appear in this fic. I'm not a fan of just transcribing scenes, but writing around them was super annoying too, so I figured to imrpovise with it. So, in some scenes I'll paraphrase, in some scenes, I'll take canon dialogue. (and obvsly I couldn't skip the "I would say bye, but I wouldn't want to make you angry line")  
> The downside is, I have to rewatch a lot of canon scenes. It's... challenging. 
> 
> Anyway, on to the chapter, and into Blaine's beautifully confused little head.

* * *

Blaine accepted his coffee with a smile to the barista and moved on, while Kurt was still talking about the fallout of Rachel’s party, including a very drunk performance to the school assembly. Honestly, half the time when he told some McKinley anecdotes, Blaine couldn’t tell for sure he wasn’t just making things up.

“Honestly, I can’t believe they thought this was a good idea. Everyone was so wasted,” Kurt said, shaking his head.

“I don’t know,” Blaine said with a shrug, “everyone seemed to have fun at the party.”

“Yes, it was hilarious,” Kurt said, his voice too high, as if it was anything but. “You didn’t exactly hold back either. I had to literally drag you away before you made a move on the captain of the soccer team.”

“Yeah… thanks for that,” Blaine said. Thankfully, the sarcasm didn’t come out too obvious. The truth was, he wasn’t sure he should be grateful for that at all. Yes, he’d been drunk, and the memories were definitely hazy, but Blaine had noticed him watching at the party. Looking back, he wasn’t too proud of himself for flirting with someone in a relationship, but still, he was pretty sure Sebastian had been into it.

And maybe, if he’d had a direct comparison, he wouldn’t feel so confused about kissing Rachel.

It had felt… good. Really good. Definitely different from that shy, clumsy kiss he’d shared with Alec before that night had turned into a disaster… But Rachel had been warm, and soft, he’d felt excited… and it had been fun, kissing her, singing and dancing with her, her enthusiasm contagious, bright and bubbly, and…

And she was unmistakably a girl.

“And don’t get me started on Rachel,” Kurt said. “If that’s not rock bottom, then I don’t know…”

Blaine felt the sudden need to defend Rachel. But before he could, his phone rang.

“Speak of the devil,” he said, before answering.

Rachel sounded… maybe kind of tipsy, but when she asked him to go out and see a show, he found himself agreeing before he even really thought about it. There was just the slightest hint of excitement, or nerves, or both.

Just one date, what harm could it do? And maybe, just maybe, it might help him figure this out?

Besides, this was a way better opener to bring up this topic than talking about how drunk he’d been and rock bottom. The truth was… Blaine was confused. It was impossible not to compare this kiss to the one he’d shared with Alec, and to find the former completely lacking. And while the thought back to the feel of Rachel’s lips against his brought a small smile to his face, it also opened up a hole inside his chest.

He’d been so sure… but now?

He was dying to talk to someone about it. It might be a bit complicated for Kurt, who vaguely kind of mentioned having some sort of feelings towards him around Valentines, and also was Rachel’s friend. But he was Blaine’s friend too, and who better to help him figure this out?

So, when Kurt showed utter disbelief about him agreeing to the date, he decided to let it slip – that the kiss was good, that he wanted to know how deep this went, that maybe he might be bi… A good opening to the conversation, he thought.

Boy, had he been wrong.

“Bisexual is a term gay guys in high school use when they want to… hold hands with girls and feel like a normal person for a change!”

It was spat out with so much vitriol that Blaine was taken aback. Where did all this anger even come from? But even as Kurt tried to justify it, talked about how he was looking up to Blaine and his self-confidence – like that was something Kurt lacked, now that he finally got away from the bullying and had a chance to be himself again, under Dalton’s protection – and how this, figuring out what he might feel, was tip-toeing back into the closet…

“I’m really sorry if this hurts your feelings, or your pride, or whatever, but… however confusing this might be for you, it’s actually a lot more confusing for me.” He hesitated, before continuing. “You are one hundred percent sure of who you are – fantastic! Well… maybe we all can’t be so lucky.”

He tried to sound self-assured, like it didn’t actually bother him, but he couldn’t help more emotion shining through. Wasn’t Kurt supposed to be his friend? Was it really too much to ask him to be supportive in this, and not make this about himself?

And sure, maybe lucky wasn’t the right word to use for Kurt, who – as he pointed out – had a bully chase him out of school. Then again, that wasn’t even what Blaine had meant, just that it wasn’t that usual to know oneself this well from the beginning, that some people had to struggle to figure this out, and just maybe, Blaine might be among them.

Looking back, that would have probably been more productive to say than compare Kurt’s reaction now to the guy who basically drove him out of school. A low blow, making him feel almost as bad as the rest of this conversation.

“I am… searching, okay?” he said, trying to strike a more conciliatory tone, but he couldn’t quite keep out the hurt of his voice. “I’m honestly just trying to figure out who I am. And for you, of all people, to come down on me for that? I didn’t think that’s who you were.”

He waited a beat, giving Kurt the chance to try and apologize, but his friend was just staring at him in disbelief, like Blaine was being the unreasonable one here. No, this conversation wasn’t going anywhere. Not even the coffee could compel him to stay longer than this.

With a sigh, he got up, just looking back before he left.

“I’d say ‘bye’, but I wouldn’t want to make you angry.”

The expression on Kurt’s face was almost worth it.

* * *

Looking back, Blaine was content enough with how he’d handled that particular conversation, but it wasn’t enough to shut up that little voice inside his head, sounding too much like Kurt, sprouting that “tip-toeing back into the closet” nonsense.

Of course, it was more complicated than that, but his date with Rachel unfortunately didn’t quite help to clear things up. They’d had fun, the show had been great, and he was glad to find that they got along really well. But there was nothing of the rush he’d felt during the party. Maybe he should have kissed her, just to make sure, just so he’d know, but… something had stopped him.

What if he knew, and then had to deal with whatever the answer was?

And while he’d told off Kurt, he wasn’t sure how comfortable he could be with the concept of possibly being bi. There was nothing wrong with it, he knew that, and unlike his supposed best friend he also knew that it was a real thing and not some excuse to stay in the closet.

But he’d been so sure that he was gay. He’d struggled with it. He wouldn’t have come out if he hadn’t been sure… right? And to think of all the consequences… wouldn’t it be quite a joke to find out it had all been for nothing?

The drive back to Dalton seemed like a bleak aspect. Thankfully, it was early enough that with a little luck the Lima Bean might still be open, so he decided to give it a shot. The building was lit, and when he walked in, there were actually a handful of people in there. Once he’d gotten his coffee, he let his eyes roam over the room. He was surprised to see Sebastian sitting at one of the tables, scribbling something on a notepad, with a few books in front of him.

Blaine felt a subtle skip in his pulse, as other memories from the party came back – talking, flirting, ending up in Sebastian’s lap and almost kissing him…

He’d stared walking before he’d even made a conscious decision.

When he approached, Sebastian looked up, and the expression of disinterest quickly morphed into a grin.

“Look at that, out of your uniform again,” Sebastian said, looking him up and down. “Be careful, you might water down your brand.”

“What brand?” Blaine asked, pulling out a chair to sit down at the table. He hadn’t quite been invited, but it was close enough.

“You know, that whole bashful schoolboy thing?” Sebastian said.

“You’re a schoolboy,” Blaine replied, frowning.

“Unfortunately, I ended up as a jock,” Sebastian said with a shrug, “and anyway, I couldn’t pull it off like you.”

Blaine dipped his head, but he couldn’t help the smile on his face as he waved it off. He wondered why he hadn’t talked to Sebastian before the party, but really, he really only knew the McKinley people through Kurt, who he obviously wasn’t close to.

“What are you doing here anyway?” he asked. “It’s a bit late for a coffee shop, isn’t it?” He looked to the table and the books on it. “Are you studying?”

Sebastian shrugged, but something in his face seemed to close off. “My dad’s out of town, and the house gets a bit quiet,” he said. “I work better with a bit of background noise. Besides, what are you still doing here?”

It was enough to bring Blaine back down into his earlier state of concern. “I’m just coming from a date,” he said, “with Rachel.”

Sebastian raised his eyebrows. “Oh. My condolences.”

Blaine shook his head. “That’s not… it was fine.”

“Ouch,” Sebastian said, “don’t let her hear that. _Fine_? That’s code for ‘bored out of my mind but I can’t find something objectively wrong’.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Blaine said. “I… it was fun. We watched a show, we talked…”

“You don’t seem too happy about it,” Sebastian said. “Is there a story?”

“I doubt you want to hear it,” Blaine said.

“I’m currently going through a geography textbook that still has the URSS in current maps, I’m begging you to distract me,” Sebastian said.

Really, Blaine thought, what harm could it do?

“So maybe the date wasn’t spectacular,” he said, “but it was fun. I like Rachel. And… when we kissed at the party… that was good. It was… great, actually. The best kiss I ever had. Granted, not saying much, but still… It just… raises some questions.”

“Like what?”

“Like maybe I’m not as gay as I thought I was,” Blaine said, not meeting Sebastian’s eyes. He had a sudden flash of concern that this might not be the best topic to talk to the captain of a sports team at an insanely homophobic school.

But Sebastian just looked at him in a way that seemed mostly appraising

“You know… they invented this fancy new thing,” he said after a moment. “Bisexuality? Not sure if you heard about it.”

It should have been an obnoxious line, but Blaine still felt insanely relieved. “I know that,” he said. He suddenly wondered whether this was a subject that Sebastian had explored himself. It would explain the party.

“So, if you know… then what’s the problem? Isn’t this the perfect time to figure things out? While you’re still young?”

“That’s… kind of exactly what I’m thinking,” Blaine said.

“Cool. So again, what’s the problem?”

Again, Blaine hesitated. He knew exactly where the problem was, but it led to somewhere he didn’t like to talk about, that he wasn’t sure he should even get into with someone he honestly barely knew. But who else could he talk to? While he felt safe and at ease with the warblers, they just weren’t close enough, with a few exceptions. But Wes always seemed so reserved that Blaine wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about relationships, his parents were obviously out, with Cooper he wouldn’t be able to get a word in... a week ago, he would have immediately said he could talk to Kurt about this. But, well, that clearly hadn’t worked out.

Maybe Sebastian wasn’t the worst option. But it might be smarter to begin with something less intense.

“It’s just a bit surprising,” Blaine said, “I mean… it’s not like I didn’t think a lot about the subject. And… I was really sure that I’m gay.”

“You’re allowed to change your mind, you know?” Sebastian said. “Or even figure yourself out better with more time. It’s not the end of the world.”

“There’s something else,” Blaine said. He looked up, scanning for any sign of disinterest, but Sebastian was looking at him patiently. With a deep breath, he decided to take a leap of faith. “I was beaten up.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened, but he didn’t interrupt.

“Before I went to Dalton, I was at a public school. The polo deal I told you about. And I had a friend there, who was also gay. So, when I realized… when I came out, I wasn’t scared. Because I knew I wasn’t alone. My school did this Sadie Hawkins dance, and I asked him to go. We had fun, we danced… we kissed, but that was… kind of awkward, honestly. And then, when we were waiting outside to be picked up…” He closed his eyes, for a second reminded of the pain, his face pushed against the cold asphalt of the parking lot, fists and kicks… He shook his head, as if he could shake off the memory. “Some guys from school found us and started kicking the crap out of us. So, um… that was the story of that night. After that, my parents transferred me to Dalton, and I’m _fine_ , but… now I meet Rachel, and we kiss, and it’s _worlds_ apart from Alec, and I’m thinking… what if it was all for nothing?”

He wasn’t sure what to expect when he looked up, but Sebastian seemed completely serious. There was something earnest, compassionate in his expression, and Blaine felt himself relax further.

“That’s a lot to unpack,” Sebastian said eventually. “I’m sorry that happened to you. But… honestly, does it matter? I mean, think about it. Whether you’re gay or bi or whatever, you’re clearly attracted to men. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have gotten the idea you’re gay when living in Nowhere, Ohio. And if they’re the kind of bastards who’d beat you for being gay, do you honestly think they would have been impressed by you being also into girls? Don’t waste your time with assholes like that, and don’t let them have any say in how you define yourself.”

It seemed simple, but somehow, Blaine felt like he could breathe easier. He still felt like he had a lot to think about, but just talking had somehow taking a bit of the weight off his shoulders.

“Thank you, Sebastian,” he said. “That… honestly helped.” He grinned, looking down again. “Now I guess I only have to figure out why I was so much more into kissing Rachel than Alec…”

“I mean, just because you’re into guys doesn’t mean you’re into any guy on the face of the planet. Case in point, you didn’t let Kurt drag you bag into his lady cave of My Little Pony and Mary Poppins. Maybe this Alec guy just wasn’t your type. Maybe you liked kissing Rachel because you’re bi. It could have just been a really good kiss. Maybe you’re into girls in general, or maybe she’s your exception.”

“You make it all sound so easy,” Blaine said.

“I mean, it is,” Sebastian said, “once you let go of this idea that it has to be a huge deal.” He frowned, tilting his head. “Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale?”

When Blaine looked confused, he leant back in his chair and continued.

“The idea is that most people aren’t completely straight, or completely gay. It’s all on a spectrum, from zero to six. You start with a zero, completely straight and not a gay thought in his mind – so basically, what Finn Hudson desperately wishes to be. A one is mostly straight but might have the rare same-sex attraction. Think Quinn Fabray, or Sam Evans. A two would have a preference for opposite sex while being pretty much open to the occasional same-sex fling, and I’m 90 percent sure that’s Cohen-Chang. A three is equal opportunity bisexual, aka Brittany. And then you go the same way in the gay spectrum, until you land at the complete gay at six, which would be Kurt. Now, it’s not completely objective and nobody can tell you where you are or aren’t on the spectrum. But, just saying… nothing wrong with being a four or a five. Or any other number, for that matter. Date whoever you want. Although… maybe not Rachel Berry.”

“What’s wrong with Rachel?” Blaine asked.

“You do not want me to get started on that subject,” Sebastian said, “but as far as you’re concerned – the fact that she’s still completely hung up on her ex. Look, I wasn’t there last year when most of the mess was going down, but… it was daily soap levels of drama. Rachel being into Finn, him being kind of into her but dating Quinn, who hooked up with Puck and got pregnant while pretending it was Finn’s, and also something about how Kurt thought _he_ could get with Finn, by setting up their widowed parents on a date, which backfired, and… look, the point is, New Directions are crazy, Rachel is not anywhere near over Finn, and if you get involved in this whole mess, she _will_ break your heart.”

Before Blaine could ask further question, he noticed that the baristas were starting to clean up. He checked his watch, surprised how late it was – closing time already. Sebastian looked over his shoulder, and clearly came to the same conclusions, as he started to gather his books and put them away.

“Looks like we’ll have to end this,” he said. “Come on, schoolboy. I’ll walk you to your car.”

Blaine rolled his eyes at the name but followed. The walk to his car was in silence, but when they arrived, he turned towards the taller boy again.

“Sebastian… thank you. Really, you helped me so much. Also gave me a lot to think about.”

“Maybe that’s your problem,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “You think too much. This is something you can’t solve by thinking. Just… kiss Rachel when you’re sober. Or only tipsy. Or maybe kiss a guy, preferably one you’re actually attracted to. Or stop driving yourself crazy, because… it’s not that big a deal and you’ll figure it out in time anyway.”

When Blaine looked up at him, he realized they were standing close again. Involuntarily, his gaze dropped to Sebastian’s lips, before looking back up again, hoping he wouldn’t be caught.

Sebastian’s smirk told him everything he needed to know.

Blaine wondered whether he should apologize, but then Sebastian raised a hand to his face. He dragged a thumb over Blaine’s cheek, and he could feel his eyes flutter shut…

And then, Sebastian’s lips were on his.

There wasn’t a hint of shyness or hesitation in this kiss, in the way Sebastian’s fingers dug into his hair. Blaine gasped at the sensation, and Sebastian didn’t miss a beat, deepening the kiss immediately. Blaine found himself responding on instinct, letting Sebastian pull him closer. Okay, yeah, _this_ was a kiss…

When Sebastian withdrew, he felt almost dizzy, his heart hammering against his ribcage. Even with his limited experience, he could tell that his kiss had been a damn good one, affecting him so much more than Rachel had, and not even the same category as that stumbling around with Alec.

“Knew it,” Sebastian muttered, his breath fanning over Blaine’s face. “That bashful schoolboy thing… Super hot.”

Blaine couldn’t help it, he laughed out loud.

“See you around, Blaine Warbler,” Sebastian said, before he let go of Blaine and turned around to walk away.

It took Blaine a few more moments to order his thoughts enough to speak, and by the time Sebastian was halfway to his own car already.

“Wait – where are you?”

Sebastian turned, looking at him in confusion.

“On the scale,” Blaine asked, closing the distance between them. “Where are you?”

“Oh, easy,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “I’m a five. Four if I’m drunk”.

Blaine’s jaw dropped. “That’s… that’s gay.”

“I am,” Sebastian said, looking at him with a raised eyebrow, as if he was still waiting for a point.

“But you have a girlfriend.”

“Santana and I… we’re complicated,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “Also, very much non-exclusive, in case you were wondering.”

Blaine’s heartbeat was still fast, and he suddenly felt a rush of courage. “And if I was?”

Sebastian stopped, looking him up and down, now clearly checking him out. “Then I should probably remind you that I have a very empty house, and a lot of free time to help you out with any… questions you might still have.”

Blaine’s jaw dropped, and he blinked in surprise at just how open and unaffected Sebastian seemed, like he’d just asked him if he wanted a coffee. Like this was all natural, not a big deal.

And maybe it didn’t have to be.

“So, what do you say?” Sebastian asked.

It should feel enormous, but really, it was the only answer he could think of.

“Sure.”

* * *

The next time Blaine entered the Lima Bean, he felt a lot more relaxed. He still wasn’t quite sure about where on the scale he was, but he’d realized that the question didn’t feel nearly as pressing anymore. There was still curiosity, and he wasn’t quite sure what label he’d be comfortable with in the future. What he did know is that nothing in his life had ever felt as intense as Sebastian’s body pushing him into the sheets, grasping his hand in an almost tender hold while thrusting into him.

He’d managed to sneak into the dorms after curfew, Nick thankfully covering for him, but he’d managed to deflect all questions about his date before falling into bed. Really, he couldn’t have thought about his date at all, not with the memory of Sebastian in and all around him was so strong.

It was kind of hard to think of anything else, even a few days later. It hadn’t been that big a surprise when he got a text today. Just a friendly reminder that this didn’t have to be a one-time thing.

The possibilities were buzzing on his skin, like an electric current.

He’d just gotten his coffee when he turned around and found himself in front of Rachel.

A shot of guilt ran through him. They had texted a bit, and he wasn’t quite sure what he should tell her. But before he could even say something, she grabbed his face, and kissed him.

It wasn’t a bad kiss. It was pretty good, actually. Not as ecstatic as it had been at the party, and not anywhere as toe-curling as Sebastian’s, but…

Just for a moment, he allowed himself to feel and not to think – Rachel’s soft hands on his face, the way their mouths moved together, the soft press of her body against him.

Suddenly, he felt weirdly nostalgic. If she’d kissed him like this a few days ago, he’d probably have given it a shot. Because he liked her, intense as she was, and this felt good. But now he had the comparison he’d wanted before, and… honestly, it would be nice to figure out just where on the scale he was, but he knew very well he couldn’t date Rachel _and_ sleep with Sebastian. And right now, profane as it sounded, his priorities were very clear on that subject.

When she pulled back, he hoped she could see the sympathy in his eyes.

“Rachel, look… I’m sorry, but… I don’t think this would be working out.”

He couldn’t quite decipher the way Rachel looked at him, but when she nodded, she looked very touched.

“I absolutely understand,” she said. “Don’t you worry about it. I… well, I still had a very nice time, and I hope we can stay friends. I’ll see you around?”

Without waiting for an answer, she turned around and walked towards the restroom area. Blaine thought he could hear the words “songwriting gold”. He looked after her in confusion, but at least she didn’t seem to be upset.

“I hope you weren’t too harsh.”

Kurt had walked up to him, following his gaze to where Rachel had walked to the restroom.

“Rachel is great,” Blaine said, “I just don’t think it would work out.”

“I told her,” Kurt said, shaking his head. His tone wasn’t exactly smug, but he still seemed a bit too happy with himself. “But she just wouldn’t listen.”

Blaine smiled, although it was a bit more forced than usual. “Say, have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale?”

“The what?” Kurt asked.

Before Blaine could answer, his phone buzzed. He checked to see a text message, short and to the point.

_Empty house. Wanna come over?_

“Never mind,” Blaine said towards Kurt. “I’ll see you at school, okay? Really gotta run.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay


	3. The Thing About Sex Appeal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I should go to sleep now but I was having some anxiety, so I'm posting a chapter instead. Because I'm a rational person and all that.  
> So, this chapter covers parts of the sexy episode - remember, I'm changing the canon timeline a bit, so the whole drama part of it will come later. For now, you have something very special waiting for you.  
> I'm of course talking about the Animal performance. And if you haven't seen it in a while... yeah, I hadn't either, and let's just say, rewatching it is... something. Enough to slightly reroute events in this chapter, but... yeah. Definitely something.  
> (also, in case you were wondering, I'm not going out of my way to be mean to Kurt. Just... the episode makes it WAY too easy)

* * *

  
Of all the places Sebastian had expected to spend this afternoon, some abandoned warehouse in Westerville was not on top of his list. Then again, this was kind of his own fault.

Blaine had told him about this yesterday, and Sebastian couldn’t quite push down the grin when he thought back to the afternoon… just lying together, their breathing slowly calming down, both still too exhausted to get up and showered and dressed, and return to reality. There was something nice about it, those relaxed moments, occasional soft touches without further purpose, talking about their days, or anything else happening in their lives, even if the Warblers’ planning a “sexy” performance in preparation for Regionals had to be a weird subject for pillow talk. Sebastian wasn’t sure, that being an aspect of this that he actually didn’t have too much experience with.

And well, getting dragged here was probably exactly what he deserved for sharing this piece of information with Santana.

On one side of the warehouse, he could see a group of girls in school uniform, giggling about something or other, while the Warblers had gathered on the opposite site, still harmonizing and clearly not quite ready to take the impromptu stage yet. Or, well, rather a scaffolding.

“If they start throwing glitter, I’m out of here,” Santana said.

Sebastian couldn’t help but snort, which got them the attention of some of the Warblers. There was muttering, and a moment later, their leader left the group to walk over to them.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t alone, as Kurt decided to tag along.

“Well, look at that, McKinley spying again,” Blaine said, although there wasn’t an ounce of malice in his grin. “I have to say, your disguises are getting worse.”

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself, prep school. We’re going to wipe the floor with you,” Santana said. “But rumor has it, you’re trying out sex appeal as only a bunch of acapella geeks at an all-boys-school can manage. Now that we have to see.”

“I don’t see why you would,” Kurt said, glaring at them as if this was in any way intimidating.

“Well, we figured if you want to show off your sex appeal, you might want an actual girl here,” Sebastian said with a shrug.

“We asked some girls from our sister school to come watch,” Blaine said, nodding towards the group of girls.

“Hate to break it to you, but if they attend an all-girls school, they don’t count,” Santana said. “They probably have so much pent-up sexual frustration, they’d swoon over a stick figure wearing body glitter and a poster saying ‘mysterious bad boy’.”

“Charming,” Kurt said, “but that doesn’t explain what _he’s_ doing here.”

“I’m just here in case your incredible combined sex appeal actually makes her melt,” Sebastian said. “Or laugh so hard she can’t drive back. One of those.”

Blaine laughed, clearly not the slightest bit upset. “Careful, you might like what you see.” He actually winked at that, and Sebastian wondered if he’d been this smug before, or if that was his doing.

Either way… it was kind of a good look on him.

“He also doubles as a control group,” Santana said, nodding towards Sebastian. “You know, so we can warn you if you go too gay with this.”

“And why would we listen to your advice?” Kurt asked.

“Nobody says you have to,” Sebastian said with a shrug, “we’ll just probably have a lot of fun giving it.”

“Who knows,” Blaine said with a shrug, “we might actually surprise you.”

“Would you now?” Sebastian asked, answering his grin. He couldn’t quite stop himself from letting his eyes roam over Blaine’s form in his school uniform, how the blazer made him stand taller, even more confident… “Then how about you show us what you got, killer?”

Blaine choked out a laugh, clearly taken a bit aback by the last sentence, before shaking his head. “We should go, I think the guys are ready. Enjoy the show.”

When he walked away, there was a bit of a swing in his step.

“Aww, somebody’s having a crush,” Santana said. “That’s gross.”

“He’s not,” Sebastian said.

“I was talking about you,” she replied.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “So, I hear Brittany and Artie are celebrating their half-a-versary soon. Did she come up with that word all by herself, because… that’s what it sounds like.”

“You shut up about Brittany,” Santana gritted out. “Actually, just shut up. They’re starting.”

All the Warblers had stepped to the side, leaving Blaine Warbler to step in front of the audience, and unleash a speech so ridiculous, that Sebastian had no earthly idea how anyone could pull it off seriously. Somehow, Blaine did.

“Hold on to your bobby socks, girls – cause we’re about to rock your world,” Blaine finished his string of insanity, before getting into position, and the singing started.

Sebastian quickly figured out that they were witnessing an acapella of Animal. On a distant level, he could appreciate the harmonies in something they probably hadn’t rehearsed for too long but that worked out pretty well, even as they ran up the scaffolding to take their places.

Blaine jumped down and started his solo. Now, Sebastian wasn’t too sure about the song choice for a sexy performance, but then again, he realized that his threshold for getting turned on by Blaine Warbler was embarrassingly low. The intensity he brought to the song certainly qualified.

Except, it wasn’t a solo.

Because then, Kurt jumped in for some reason, prancing past Blaine to stop, and start some weird grinding movement, which might have been an attempt to shake his hips, grimacing like… well, whatever it was, it looked painful, and distracting to the point that even Blaine looked over confused, before getting back into his show face.

Sebastian looked to Santana for a moment, her mouth gaping open. She closed a hand around his arm, her fingernails digging into his skin, and he turned back to see Kurt go from shaking like he was having a seizure, to clawing at the air like he was imitating a velociraptor.

He looked back to Blaine, somehow still suave and smooth beside that disaster, who caught his eye and winked at him – before getting distracted himself by the display beside him.

At some point, the two of them climbed back to the top of the scaffolding – Kurt throwing his leg into the air like this was some sort of very deranged ballet – while the rest of the Warblers mingled with the Crawford girls, both Santana and Sebastian taking a few steps back to not get caught in that mess…

And then, they brought out the foam canon.

Why on earth did they bring out a foam canon?

And who the hell threw in beach balls?

Sebastian looked towards Santana, just to make sure he hadn’t stumbled into some drug haze. Maybe he was having a psychotic break? A very late reaction to that crap Lucien’s brother had sworn was LSD? But from the way she stared at the whole scene, she was seeing the same as he did.

The Warblers ended the performance, the tone of which was now less “sexy” and more “children’s birthday party”, to roaring applause by the Crawford girls – and Santana probably had a point about them, because… yeah. Sex appeal and foam canon did not belong into the same context.

“Oh my god,” Santana muttered under her breath. “What the hell? And did you _see_ the faces Kurt made? Actually… you probably didn’t. Were too busy making googly eyes at gelled up Harry Potter.”

“I had to look at something to keep me sane,” Sebastian replied. “What _was_ that?”

“I know what it’s not – a threat for us at Regionals,” Santana said.

“Don’t tell them that, or they might switch gears,” Sebastian said. Although… he let his eyes wander over the Warblers – Kurt looking undeservedly triumphant, Blaine throwing him some confused looks but overall pleased with himself, most of the others quite happy with the performance… But there was one of them, some Asian kid, that looked skeptical about the whole thing.

“Come on, there are like sooo many jokes I have to get out,” Santana said, dragging him over to where Kurt was trying to “subtly” get Blaine to notice him. He rolled his eyes, when he saw them approaching.

“Well, I hope you’ve had fun on your spy mission,” he said, “now that you know what you’re going up against?”

“Oh, please, Miss Pillsbury is pulling off sexier performances than that,” Santana said.

“Seriously?” Sebastian muttered. They’d _just_ talked about this…

“In case you never heard of it, sex appeal is about how you present yourself. Not about actually being the personification of those _for a good time call x_ _grafittis_ in bathroom stalls.”

Sebastian tried to make sense of that, but it was too pathetic. Instead, his eyes fell on Blaine Warbler, who was giving him a small, kind of self-satisfied grin. To be fair, he had kind of pulled off the whole energy, but even he couldn’t distract from the insanity of Kurt’s performance.

“Okay, your references are stuck somewhere in the eighties or something, but news flash, the judges will be from the 21st century,” Santana said.

“I thought they were gorgeous,” one of the Crawford girls said.

“Oh, please, ladies, stop embarrassing yourselves. You can do better,” Santana said.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Kurt asked.

“What it means? It means that if I had any worries about us going to Nationals, you just murdered them, by shooting them with a glitter gun, killing them not by impact, but having them slowly, torturously choke on glitter, until they committed suicide out of sheer embarrassment. I haven’t been this turned off since I had the misfortune of sleeping with your overgrown Frankenstein’s monster of a brother, and if this is the best you’ve got? Then damn, I might pity you guys more than myself for just remembering that.”

Satisfied with that take-down, she turned around and walked away. Sebastian took one look at Kurt’s open-mouthed gaping, before looking to Blaine, who seemed mostly confused.

Sebastian shrugged, like there was nothing to be done about that.

“Well, I’m her ride so…”

Blaine nodded, understanding. “I guess I’ll see you around?”

“Bet on it, killer. By the way… nice performance.” He winked for good measure, noticing with satisfaction the lightest blush rising in Blaine’s face as well as a choked sound coming from Kurt.

Well, maybe the afternoon wasn’t a complete loss.

* * *

Running a comb through his hair, Kurt was fuming. This was not how today was supposed to go.

While he hadn’t been perfectly happy with having the Warblers try a sexy performance, it had given him at least some hope that Blaine had suggested him to do the number with, clearly recognizing that there was obvious chemistry between them. It was supposed to mean something, to show the Crawford girls – and the Warblers, for that matter – that they could pull off a show, yes, a sexy show. Besides, who knew, maybe that would even open some doors for future solos, especially with the setlist for Regionals still not standing. And fine, maybe he had hoped Blaine would have some sort of epiphany after performing a sexy number together.

And now, Santana had waltzed in, and torn it all down. He’d overheard Wes, who hadn’t been in favor of this number in the first place, saying something about this clearly not being the hill to die on. And Blaine…

…was just approaching him. He, at least, hadn’t seem bothered at all, and the sight of him was enough to distract Kurt from his anger at Santana.

Blaine looked around at the foam still lying around, puddles forming underneath it.

“A bit of a mess, huh?” he asked, although he looked mostly amused. “That was probably a little overboard.”

“Well, it was definitely exceptional,” Kurt said.

“Yeah… although I have a feeling that’s the last time that I get to suggest a performance while Wes is still on the council,” Blaine said, shrugging like it didn’t matter much. “And I’m pretty sure that was also it for the idea of a sexy performance. I probably could have gotten it through with just the Crawford girls. But after what your friends pulled… Then again, Wes was probably looking for excuses to axe this.”

“Friends is saying a bit much,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes. “Santana is the personification of anger issues, and Sebastian is probably what would happen if Regina George was a jock.”

“Wait, doesn’t she get into Lacrosse in the end?” Blaine asked. “That’s actually a pretty cool image… He’d probably like that.” He seemed to notice the irritation in Kurt’s look, as he shrugged and looked to the side, almost as if embarrassed. “I mean, I don’t actually know him. It’s just… you know. He seems that way. Like he’d have a sense of humor about himself.”

“Yeah, you clearly don’t know him,” Kurt muttered. “I honestly don’t understand why they even bothered to come here… Like, how did they even know about this?”

“Uh… yeah, that’s kinda weird,” Blaine said in a surprisingly dismissive tone, “anyway, um, I was wondering… is everything okay with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know,” Blaine said, with a half-shrug, “you were doing all these weird faces during the song…?”

It took him a moment to realize what Blaine was talking about. “Those weren’t weird faces, those were my sexy faces.”

Blaine looked clearly not convinced. “It looked like you were having… gas pains, or something,” he said, grimacing.

And wonderful. That was exactly how they’d win Regionals, or rather, how he’d get any recognition with the Warblers, not to mention have Blaine view him as more than a friend – by having the sex appeal of a baby penguin. Bad enough to have Santana mock him, but to have Blaine basically agree with her?

That was tougher than expected.

He was really having a run here… the Gap disaster, Rachel’s train wreck of a party, and now this…

Why did this have to be so hard? It never was this complicated in musicals… well, it was complicated but for completely different reasons. Not this…

“We’ll figure something out,” Blaine said, nodding towards him with encouragement.

Considering his luck so far, Kurt could only wonder how that would turn into a disaster. He really couldn’t catch a break.

* * *

Just for a moment, while coming down, Sebastian’s whole mind was blissful nothing.

It had been a while since he’d had this. Hook ups at Scandals were usually rushed affairs, quick hand jobs, occasionally blowjobs. Not this, taking their time, getting undressed without a hurry, slow and lazy, in an actual bed… There was Santana, sure, but… that was different. Even apart from the obvious.

This, though, Blaine kissing him carefully, muttering praises against his skin as he pulled out… he hadn’t had something like this since leaving Paris. Hell, even that had been different, but these thoughts were getting too close to Lucien, and that was something Sebastian wasn’t ready to confront.

Instead, he closed his eyes, while Blaine disposed of the condom, and tried not to think. He opened his arms, as Blaine predictably lay back with him, and held him close.

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked, while putting the softest kiss against the hollow of Sebastian’s throat.

“Brilliant,” he replied, stroking a hand through Blaine’s hair.

It would get sticky and uncomfortable soon enough, but until then he would keep this boy right here, warm and heavy on top of him. It felt nice.

They had to get up eventually, Sebastian having to drag Blaine in the shower. Not that right now he had energy for more than lazy kissing. This, too, was new – just being with someone without getting to the point. It was even comfortable when they got out of the bathroom, and sat back down on Sebastian’s bed, leaning against the headboard while Sebastian switched the TV on, zapping through the channels until he ended on a Friends rerun.

“So, um… was that…?” Blaine began, a bit embarrassed now that their clothes were back on.

“Are you kidding? Not bad for a first time,” Sebastian said.

Blaine laughed, looking down to his hands as that blush rose on his cheeks. Still bashful and sweet, a clear contrast to before. Blaine Anderson, full of contradictions, and Sebastian wondered whether that was the reason he kept coming back for more.

“Maybe you’re just a great teacher,” Blaine said.

“Hm… easy, when I’m reaping the benefits,” Sebastian replied. “Although you seriously have to promise me to never show up with a foam canon again.”

“Was it really that bad?” Blaine asked.

“Well, parts of it were fine, but those were exclusively yours,” Sebastian said. “If you ever want to pull off sexy, maybe put someone else but Kurt in the front? Because… I felt my Kinsey score plummet, watching that.”

Blaine groaned, shaking his head. “Don’t be mean,” he said.

“I’m not, I’m honest,” Sebastian said.

“You’re often both actually,” Blaine said. “And can we not talk about this?”

“What, there’s something to talk about?” Sebastian asked. “Come on, now you gotta tell me more.”

“It’s nothing, just…” He groaned again, burying his face in Sebastian’s shoulder. “I may have told Kurt’s dad he needs to give him the talk.”

“What?” Sebastian couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “Like… the sex talk?”

“It’s not funny,” Blaine said, glaring at him.

“I disagree. Come on, give me details.”

“Uh… no? Cause he’s my friend, and you’ll just make fun of him? And also, it was really awkward,” Blaine said. “Find your own drama, Smythe. You always complain there’s so much of that going on at McKinley, obviously you can focus on something there.”

“What, like how our guidance counsellor thought she could give a pro-celibacy message by performing Afternoon Delight?”

“What?”

Sebastian was just about to elaborate, when he heard an unexpected noise – the front door falling shut. Blaine must have noticed the panicked expression on his face and backed off.

“What… Is everything okay?”

“They shouldn’t be here… It’s just…” Sebastian’s eyes fell to the alarm clock and he swore. How could he have lost track of time like this?

“It’s my Dad.”

“Oh…” Blaine looked alarmed but nodded. “Do you want me to sneak out, or-?”

“You can’t sneak around my Dad,” Sebastian said, shaking his head. “Just come down, say hi, it won’t take long.”

He found his father downstairs sorting the mail. Evelyn was standing with him, telling him about something or other, but stopped when Sebastian appeared at the bottom of the stairs. His father looked up, too.

“Ah, there you are.” He frowned, when his eyes fell on Blaine. “And who would that be?”

“Blaine Anderson,” he introduced himself, walking closer to hold out a hand, with perfect country club manners. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Sebastian’s father said, taking his hand. “That uniform… that’s Dalton Academy, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“We’ve been studying,” Sebastian said.

His father looked at him with a raised eyebrow that made it very obvious that he didn’t buy the excuse for even a second.

“Really, studying?”

“Sebastian’s helping me with French,” Blaine said, with a smile so picture perfect every ordinary parent would have fallen for, and so sincere that Sebastian would have believed it himself if he didn’t know for a fact that Blaine was taking Spanish.

“That’s lovely,” Evelyn said, interrupting the tension between father and son. “So how do you know each other?”

“Actually, through our show choirs,” Blaine answered smoothly. “One of our members, Kurt Hummel, used to go to McKinley.”

“Oh, yes,” Evelyn said, her expression darkening. “That was an awful story, don’t you think, Xavier? It’s a farce that this school isn’t able to protect its own students.”

“I told you – legally, they had no choice,” his father said. “This is Evelyn, by the way, my fiancé.”

“Really nice to meet you, Ma’am,” Blaine said, taking her hand.

“So polite,” Evelyn said smiling at him.

Well, at least her being charmed by Blaine’s manners wasn’t a surprise.

“We were just picking up Sebastian for dinner,” his father said.

“That’s perfect timing, we just got finished,” Blaine said, once again smooth to a fault. “I’ll see you next week?”

“Actually… why don’t you join us?” Evelyn asked.

His father looked at her with a bemused expression.

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt you to get to know your son’s friends,” she said. “And I’m dying to hear more about this school. Zero tolerance policy for bullying, was it?”

There was a bit of a challenge in her tone, and Sebastian looked at his father in slight confusion. Xavier for his part, was looking at her like this was a conversation they’d had more than once, and neither of them seemed to be willing to concede.

What the hell was that about?

Eventually, his father smiled at her, before turning towards Blaine. “We’d love for you to join us,” he said.

Blaine was still smiling, but Sebastian thought he could notice some confusion in there. Obviously, this wasn’t a turn of events either of them had accepted.

“Well, thank you for the invitation,” Blaine said, glancing towards Sebastian for any sort of guidance.

Sebastian found himself nodding before he even decided to.

Blaine’s eyes widened, barely, just for a second, but continued the sentence so smoothly that neither of the adults probably even noticed the moment of hesitation.

“I’d love to.”

“Wonderful,” Evelyn said. “How do you boys feel about Thai food?”

As she started telling Blaine a story about the restaurant and the last time they’d eaten there, Sebastian couldn’t help smiling. Unexpected as it was, Blaine seemed to adapt to the situation without any trouble, taking her enthusiasm as well as Sebastian’s dad’s bemused observation of it all in stride.

Almost too easy.

Sebastian felt his father’s eyes on him and turned around. Xavier was looking at him with a raised eyebrow, but smiling, as if he knew a lot more than his son was willing to share.

“Shall we?” he asked.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and did his best to seem nonchalant.

Too easy, and for some reason, he tensed up. But then again, he figured as he followed them towards the car, he could always try to figure this out tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay


	4. This Treacherous Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here we go again.  
> This one was a bit complicated because of the canon scenes, once again a mix of canon and home-brew, but the flow made more sense to me like this. Also, I'd like to point out again that the timeline is changed, with the Night of Neglect taking place before Regionals.  
> Oh, and please appreciate my sacrifice of watching the blackbird scene again. That was tough.
> 
> And yes, this is the chapter I'm leaving you with for the holidays, because that's the kind of year we have. (don't hate me)
> 
> Jokes aside, there'll be a short break and I'll go back to posting new chapters after New Years. So, to all of you, best wishes for the holidays (whichever you are or aren't celebrating), take care of yourselves and your loved ones, and I wish all of you that the next year will be better than this mess! <3

* * *

As Blaine entered McKinley through the main doors, he couldn’t help but feel out of place. Some might think it was suspicious that he’d come here, this close to their competition. But Kurt had learned about their Night of Neglect, and really wanted to go watch the performances. When he’d asked Blaine and told him that the earnings would go to their academic decathlon team, he’d of course been on board.

And now, he walked through the corridors of McKinley, trying not to seem too judgmental.

He didn’t exactly have the highest opinion just based on what he knew about the bullying, and how nobody seemed to care. But it hadn’t gotten better with some of the stories Sebastian had told him - a weed bake sale, trying to shoot a cheerleader out of a canon, first choosing Rocky Horror as a school musical and then just playing it once with no audience…

It wasn’t that he shared the inherent mistrust some of his fellow Dalton students held for public schools. But McKinley seemed like a complete disaster.

It was all the more jarring to see the way Kurt was looking around, nostalgia and wistfulness etched into every inch of his skin.

“You really miss it, huh?” Blaine asked.

“I can’t help it,” Kurt said, with a sigh. “This has been my home. Dalton is just not the same. And no offense, but neither are the Warblers. New Directions just have a different energy. It’s not about just one person there, everyone gets to contribute and shine.”

Blaine bit his tongue at that, even though his first instinct was to protest. He never felt this kind of nostalgia about his own former high school. He hadn’t even put a foot into the building since the attack, and just thinking about it made him slightly sick. Just the idea of regarding the place with any kind of fondness was completely foreign for him. But of course, Kurt had a different experience, and Blaine understood this much.

But the dig against the Warblers hit home, burrowed under his skin. It wasn’t the first comment in that direction, and he felt like they came more frequently these days. So fine, Kurt didn’t feel happy about not getting solos with the Warblers. But that was just not the kind of choir they were. And Blaine wasn’t the one deciding who got the solos, it was the council that trusted him. Nobody else seemed to have a problem with it. Or, well, nobody else _said_ they had a problem with it…

“What’s with the look?”

He turned to Kurt, who was regarding him with something akin to skepticism. But he didn’t feel like explaining his feelings about what felt like subtle attacks against him, instead focusing on the other part.

“It’s just… I don’t know, a bit strange that you’d miss this place so much. I mean… some of the stories I heard…”

“What stories?”

“Well, there’s the whole slushying business, for example. Or, what about when Rachel sent a potential new glee club member to a crack house?”

“Where’d you even hear about that?” Kurt asked.

“Oh, you know… people talked a lot at her party,” Blaine said. That was the problem, he couldn’t really get into where he’d actually heard the stories from. As it turned out, Sebastian liked to talk when they were lying in the afterglow, and also, in addition to texting, they’d started talking on the phone lately. It made Blaine feel weirdly content, to lie in his bed, staring at the ceiling or around his room, while Sebastian told him crazy stories of McKinley or Paris, the smile obvious just in his voice…

But Sebastian… that was a topic he felt he couldn’t discuss with Kurt.

He’d wanted to – after all, who better to discuss a guy he was seeing with, than your best friend who was also into guys? And maybe, just maybe, that had been part of his reason to try to push Kurt into discussing sex, just so he had someone to talk about this. Not that it hadn’t backfired, and not that he would have ever said Sebastian’s name. There were too many other issues coming with that, beginning but not ending with the fact that people at McKinley assumed Sebastian to be straight.

Sebastian had said it didn’t matter to him – really, he’d never meant to signal anything, and Santana had basically chosen him to be her boyfriend. Sebastian claimed he wasn’t actually in the closet, he just saw no reason to correct people’s false assumption. Apparently, nobody at McKinley was interesting enough for him to start anything, and if anybody saw him at Scandals, the gay bar in West Lima, they’d had just as much reason to keep it quiet as he had.

Also, there was some minor antipathy between Kurt and Sebastian that Blaine didn’t quite understand. The best he could come up with was the one time he’d gotten Sebastian to open up a bit.

_He’s a stereotype, Blaine. Exactly what everyone back in Paris pictured once I was forced to come out, someone obsessed with fashion and girly things, half acting like a chick most of the time, and trying to creep on any straight guy who shows them a shred of kindness._

It had sounded like Sebastian was projecting his own issues on Kurt, but he hadn’t been willing to discuss it further, preferring to push Blaine back into the sheets, and show him just what else he could to with that tongue of his.

“McKinley might be a mess, but New Directions are my family,” Kurt said, disrupting his thoughts.

It was probably good. It was kind of spooky how easy he could get lost in memories of Sebastian. It wasn’t even the sex aspect – although that was… damn. But everything else… talking afterwards, sharing kisses that warmed Blaine to the core, talking on the phone, sometimes in the evening, sometimes in the morning while getting ready for school… It was nice, to have someone to talk to.

True, a few months ago, Kurt had been the person he’d talked to. But lately, Blaine just didn’t feel like he could be as trusting and open anymore. Not after that whole mess with kissing Rachel, and worse, liking it. Not after Kurt basically threw him out for trying to talk to him about sex. Definitely not with how often those comments were coming, about him and the Warblers.

Sebastian, though… despite how weird he felt with their whole friends with benefits arrangement, he never felt like he had to hold back.

The problem was, this was getting dangerous. Sebastian was not his boyfriend, he reminded himself. He was someone else’s boyfriend.

But he could deal with that. They had a good thing, and he would not ruin it by thinking too much, or getting too far into it.

“Are you even listening?”

“Sorry,” Blaine said quickly, shooting Kurt a smile. “It’s sweet, how much you miss this place. Even if I don’t really understand it.”

There was something very close to frustration in Kurt’s face, but he quickly overplayed it with a smile.

“Well, I appreciate you trying.”

Blaine felt like he should say more, maybe explain himself or maybe encourage Kurt to share more about his old group, but before he could say anything, he noticed someone storming towards them. It didn’t take that long to recognize the bully, towering over them as he glared at them.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“We’re here to see the show,” Kurt said, clearly not the least bit intimidated. “Don’t tell me that’s why you’re here.”

“I was in the gym, actually,” the guy said, throwing a glare at Blaine as if he was trying to prove something. “And someone told me you’re out here sprinkling your fairy dust over everything-“

“Okay, stop.” Blaine said, now glaring right back. He had tried to help, but that only seemed to have escalated things further, and he had run out of patience. “You can save your posturing, we all know the truth about what’s really going on here.”

There was a glint in the guy’s eye, a spark of fury just begging to ignite. Blaine could see it in front of his inner eye, the situation escalating, and he instinctively took a defensive stance, ready to push back if an attack came, or maybe strike first…

“What the hell?”

He was shoved aside when Santana Lopez stepped forward, glaring up at the bully with just as much anger.

“It’s none of your business, JLo,” the guy spat at her.

“Oh, really? I think you made it my business when you threw a damn slushie in my face,” she replied. “So I suggest you turn right around and get the hell out of here, before I have to start crushing your nuts one by one, although I’ll be nice, you can decide what side you start with, comprendes?”

“What?” the bully asked, looking at her like she was completely insane.

“Oh, and by the way, I have razorblades hidden in my hair,” Santana continued, gesturing towards her head. “All over, everywhere…”

The guy didn’t exactly look scared, although he did seem a bit freaked out. He threw his hands in the air, before he turned around and actually left, shaking his head the whole time.

“Thought so,” Santana said, and turned around, clearly very happy with herself.

“Thanks, but… we could have handled that,” Blaine said, trying to push down his anger. He tried to remind himself that this was not his business, not his bully. If anything, Kurt should be the one angry at the guy, and he seemed to be determined to take the high road here. What right did Blaine have to get so upset?

“It was more fun doing it together,” Santana said, on her face the first genuine smile he’d seen from her.

It hit Blaine like a bucket of cold water.

There she was, getting them out of what he now realized was an awful situation – because he might have a better technique and know how to defend himself, but the guy was like twice his weight, and it still could have ended pretty badly. But he had been saved, basically, by Santana, who looked at him with something awfully close to fondness.

Santana Lopez.

And how happy would she be to help them if she knew that Blaine was sleeping with her boyfriend?

“Wanna go watch the show?” Santana asked.

Kurt agreed, clearly happy to see her. Blaine somehow managed to conjure up a smile, and a nod, as he followed them.

It was ridiculous. He’d known Sebastian had a girlfriend, and had been fine to take his statement that they were not exclusive as gospel. Honestly, he just hadn’t wanted to question this any further. But now, it all flooded into his mind.

Sebastian had a girlfriend. And no matter how much fun they had, how much they talked, and how close they felt, what he shared with Blaine was just sex when it came down to it. He didn’t know what arrangement they really had, and he didn’t dare to ask.

All he knew, as they sat down together in the auditorium, was that he felt wrong.

What had he gotten himself into?

* * *

_Everything okay? You’ve been kind of quiet lately…_

Blaine stared at the text, not sure what to answer. Really, he had no time for this. Warbler rehearsal was about to start, and everyone knew how Wes felt about phones during rehearsal…

He was running out of excuses to not see Sebastian. He’d cited the Warblers, homework, exam preparation, and even his family – a blatant lie that he’d been so sure Sebastian would call him out on. When he hadn’t, he’d almost felt disappointed, but on second thought, he wasn’t sure if Sebastian just knew him too little to see it, or well enough to leave it alone.

He wasn’t even sure why this was such a big deal. He’d thought it was fine, had known exactly what he was getting into – an affair with a guy in a relationship. Why did it feel like he’d lost control?

Because maybe, he realized, he wanted more.

“So, is everyone ready?”

Blaine looked up as Wes stood up, looking over the group.

“We’re happy to tell you that we’re close to finalizing our setlist for Regionals. We’ve narrowed it down to a few choices within our repertoire. Now, Misery was a pretty good contender, as Warbler Blaine pointed out. But it could be argued whether it really meets the topic of hymns.”

The doors flew open, to reveal Kurt standing there, looking at them somberly. It said something about Blaine’s current state of mind that he hadn’t even noticed his friend wasn’t sitting with them, or that it took him a moment to realize he wasn’t wearing the Dalton blazer, but rather a completely black suit, as if he was going to a funeral.

“What’s wrong?” Blaine asked in concern. Was something going on? Something about Kurt’s family? He honestly couldn’t tell, wasn’t sure if anything had been mentioned. He really should pay more attention…

“It’s Pavarotti,” Kurt said, his voice barely more than a gasp. “He’s dead.”

“I’m so sorry,” Blaine said, not even sure if he said it to Kurt or to all the Warblers. The announcement hit several of them, some who had taken care of the bird themselves, not to mention the symbol he was to the Warblers. It might even be seen as a bad omen for them, but Blaine pushed the thought aside. With Kurt this upset, it seemed a bit too cynical to even think about something as trivial as a competition.

Kurt kept talking, about how Pavarotti had inspired him, and how precious he’d been, even if it was silly to be this upset about a bird, but Blaine felt like all Warblers understood, and more than one probably felt the same way.

“And I know,” Kurt continued, “today we need to practice doo-wooping behind Blaine, while he sings every solo in the medley of Pink songs, but…” And at this his voice almost broke, as if he was close to tears. “I’d like to sing a song for Pavarotti today.”

There were nods everywhere, as he produced a cassette. Someone put it into the player, and a moment later, the guitar chords of Blackbird filled the practice room.

As he started singing, Blaine sat back and listened. It wasn’t quite what he had expected. He’d known, of course, that Kurt was talented, but he’d come used to expecting more… extravagant performances from him. This was different, simple, emotional. Blaine wasn’t sure how Kurt managed to put this much feeling into a song about a dead bird. But… he felt something. The pain touched him, the hope in the song grabbed him.

And suddenly, with all this emotion, he understood. Pushing feelings aside would never work in the long term. He needed to be true to himself, and the truth was…

He did feel something for Sebastian. It wasn’t just the sex. He enjoyed spending time together, enjoyed talking. Having dinner with Sebastian’s father and Evelyn had been fun. He liked Sebastian’s commentary, abrasive as it might be. He felt safe, sharing his innermost thoughts with him, hearing stories about Europe, and about Sebastian’s mother, the failed actress who liked to busy herself with other failed stars instead of her son, even more about his older sister, strong-willed and beautiful, and furious on her little brother’s behalf… he wanted all the stories, wanted to share his own.

He wanted all. And he was tired of hiding it. He didn’t want to be a friend with benefits. He wanted… no, needed this to be real.

He was in love. Not that dumb crush he’d had on Jeremiah, not the confusing rush of kissing Rachel. Love.

In the end, it was that simple.

When the song ended, Blaine found himself blinking away tears, as he clapped.

He knew what he had to do.

* * *

All too soon, Kurt found himself once again sitting in one of the leather sofas in the Warblers’ rehearsal space, trying his hardest not to roll his eyes as Wes banged his ridiculous gavel, getting anyone’s attention to begin today’s session. Not that there was a lot of noise he’d have to make himself heard over. Everyone was dying to find out the setlist for Regionals, from what he heard surprisingly last minutes for Warbler standards. They had narrowed it down to half a dozen choices, all songs they already had in their repertoire.

Not for the first time, he felt a fierce longing for McKinley, and the chaos in the New Directions’ choir room, where they would discuss and argue until they figured out their setlist, and eventually settle on something displaying all of their strengths. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to the formality of the Warblers, predictable as it was. It was probably a miracle that they’d let him sing Blackbird yesterday. The rest of that rehearsal session had been dedicated to their lost brother, and Blaine had seemed weirdly subdued, but there hadn’t been an opportunity to actually talk.

Now, though, everything was back to business.

“As you know,” Wes opened the rehearsal session, “we have been talking about the Regional setlist, and after long discussions, we’ve made our decisions. Our main number Viva La Vida, with Warbler Blaine as lead singer.”

Kurt closed his eyes, to disguise his eyeroll. Like that was a surprise. He’d hoped his performance of Blackbird had made some impression, but clearly, that hadn’t worked out the way he wanted it.

“As the opening number,” Wes continued “we’ve chosen A Thousand Miles, arranged as a duet. The arrangements will be done by Warbler Blaine, who will also sing it as a duet with Warbler Kurt.”

Kurt just so stopped his jaw from dropping, as he stared at Wes wide-eyed. At first, he thought he’d misheard, but from the way the other Warblers were looking at him, that wasn’t likely. He shot a look to Blaine, who was smiling at him in encouragement, then back at the council. Wes was nodding towards Blaine, making Kurt wonder if he had anything to do with this development. He thought back to the conversation they had after the Misery performance, wondered whether his comment had anything to do with this development. He wondered whether he should feel bad about this. Then again… it would do the Warblers good to showcase more than just Blaine’s talent.

After the meeting, Kurt considered staying back, hoping to talk to Blaine. But then he noticed the other boy seemed in a hurry to get out, so he went over to confront him right away.

“So, we’ll sing a duet?”

“We will,” Blaine said, nodding. “It’s probably a good idea to showcase more than one person, don’t you think?”

“Like you read my mind,” Kurt said, following Blaine outside. “Although… did you have anything to do with that?” He hadn’t meant to come out with it as bluntly as he did, but he couldn’t let go of the question.

Blaine looked at him, but hesitated. Eventually, though he sighed. “I may have talked to Wes about this.”

“So… where is this coming from?” Kurt asked. “Not that I’m complaining.” He wasn’t, it was literally what he’d been hoping for since he started at Dalton, maybe since he watched Teenage Dream.

To his surprise, Blaine stopped and looked at him in a way he hadn’t in… well, certainly a long time – completely open, vulnerable.

“Kurt… the other day, when you were singing Blackbird… It was, of course, a great performance… but it was more than that. The emotion you put in there… I…” Blaine stopped, shaking his head. “You moved me, Kurt. That kind of emotion… I think that’s something we need, for Regionals. For the Warblers. Always. And honestly… it helped me understand something. Something really important. And I… you gave me the courage to do something that I should have done a long time ago.” When he looked up, the smile was a bit too emotional for a conversation about their setlist. “Thank you, for reminding me… what it should be like. Emotionality. I needed that.”

“And what would that be?” Kurt asked, trying his best to subdue the newly awakened hope inside him. It was hard, though, now that he realized that it had worked, that his song had meant something.

There was something shy in the way Blaine smiled, even as he looked to the side, but also something excited. “Maybe I’ll tell you when it’s done,” he said.

Kurt stared at him, and wondered what he was missing. Blaine had been a bit secretive in the last few weeks, more often than not busy with some study group Kurt couldn’t remember hearing about before spring… but now, it felt like there was something big, something important.

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked.

“We’ll see,” Blaine said, with a shrug that didn’t come nearly as nonchalant as it was clearly intended. “Wish me luck?”

Kurt nodded, but as he watched the other boy leave the room, he couldn’t help but feeling that whatever was going on, it probably wasn’t going where he wanted it to.

* * *

The drive to Sebastian’s house had become familiar, and even so, Blaine hadn’t felt this nervous since the first time. It was buzzing under his skin, excitement or nerves or dread, he wasn’t even sure. He told himself he could just turn around, that he didn’t have to share his new revelation.

But really, he knew himself. Even if he tried to keep it a secret, he’d probably last all of five minutes before the truth would burst out of him. No, it was better this way, to lay it out in the open, and then see where the dice would land. Besides, he couldn’t help but feel hopeful. He thought back to all the phone calls, to the way Sebastian looked at him, kissed him and held him, that little spark in his eyes when he smiled.

Some nerves might be warranted. But all this… it had to mean something.

He arrived soon after, waiting at the door for Sebastian to open. It took barely a minute, until the door opened, and he was greeted by Sebastian, not even smirking, just smiling at him.

“Hey, stranger,” he said, pulling him inside. As soon as the door closed, Blaine was pressed against it, and Sebastian’s lips were on his.

For a moment, he let himself indulge, let him in, their tongues meeting, even as Sebastian’s hands roamed over his body.

It shouldn’t be different, just because he realized he had feelings.

It was on a whole new level.

With a sigh, he withdrew. One of his hands rested on Sebastian’s cheek, carefully stroking over the skin, as he just looked at him, memorizing everything from the green sparkle of his eyes to the freckles on his face, and of course, the way he smiled.

He looked happy. He looked good.

“What?” Sebastian asked.

He seemed so carefree that Blaine felt bad about bringing him down. But there was a reason he was here. Besides, in the end, this would make things better, surely.

“I think we should talk,” he said.

A frown appeared on Sebastian’s face, and he stepped back. “Okay?” he asked. “Is this about why you’ve been so weird these past few days?”

It wasn’t exactly promising, but Blaine was determined not to back off.

“I’ve had a lot to think about,” he said instead. “About you and me… about what we’re doing, and why.”

Sebastian actually took a step back. “That’s dangerous,” he said, trying to sound dismissive. “We have something good here, Blaine. Why mess that up?”

“Because it’s not good,” Blaine said. “At least not nearly as good as it could be.” When he looked at Sebastian, he prayed to see anything that would encourage him. Instead, Sebastian seemed to be closing off, a frown forming on his face. The worst thing was that Blaine could see the signs, could interpret his body language, but… what was the point of stepping back now? Even if he stopped now, he’d already said too much. He’d know, either way. He might as well lay it all out there.

“I want more than this, Sebastian. This… thing we have going… it’s not enough. The truth is… I’m in love with you. And being your friend with benefits isn’t enough. I want to be with you, as your boyfriend. Not just some random hookup you keep around when nobody’s looking. So… please, tell me. If you see me that way, just…”

He stopped.

Because…

Sebastian didn’t look happy.

“That’s not what we’re doing, Blaine,” he said, shaking his head. “Why… why are you doing this? We were having sex, and it was great, and now you go and ruin it.”

Blaine stared at him, and slowly, the sensation faded from his body. He started to feel cold, and even worse, embarrassed.

“I just thought-“

“No, you clearly didn’t,” Sebastian said. “I never gave you any illusions. You knew right from the start, I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. What the hell do you want from me?”

“I told you, I-“

“Well, I can’t give you that. Go to Kurt or whoever, but I’m not that person, Blaine. I don’t want a damn boyfriend. So, just… if you can’t switch this off, then maybe you should just leave.”

Blaine stared at him, and it felt as if the ground had opened underneath his feet. But this was reality.

He should have known.

“If that’s the case,” he said eventually, “then I guess I’ll see you at Regionals.”

He turned around, and his feet were carrying him away, towards his car, as if he was on autopilot. All he knew was that he had to get away, and salvage at least a little of his dignity.

“Wait!”

He turned around, looking back to Sebastian who’d followed to steps and looked at him with an expression he couldn’t quite discern – almost fearful.

“Are you okay to drive?”

Blaine stared at him, and his jaw dropped slightly. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Like he’d get hysterical, dissolve into tears just because Sebastian rejected him? And fine, maybe he had a very clear vision of the future that involved crying in his car, with a safe distance to this place, but that wasn’t something he had to share.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he said, not bothering to hide his glare. “Goodbye, Sebastian.”

At least, he thought as he turned around and got into his car, this had affected Sebastian in some way. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough.

It could never be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay, feel free to come and say hi. or yell, if you feel more like it.  
> (jk, please don't yell at me)


	5. The Pain Of Rejection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everybody!
> 
> And we're back! I did struggle a bit with this chapter, was mostly hung up on this one scene. So, Kurt is in this chapter, which has become a bit of a problem to write for me, especially since he isn't at his best - so in order to not fall into caricatures, I had to write parts of the scene from his POV first, and that's not something cominng to me too easily these days.   
> But once I had that, the rest of it was actually kind of easy.  
> Including the Brittana scene, which is nice, considering I haven't really written them apart from as a background pairing. I rewatched the scene for this, and honestly, it's really powerful. Despite how this is the part of Brittana I like the least, it made me think that if I watched Glee today, Brittana would probably be one of my main ships. 
> 
> But enough of my rambling, let's get into the chapter!

* * *

Blaine’s fingers moved over the black and white keys, bringing out the familiar melody of A Thousand Miles, but over more somber, minor chords.

Maybe it was self-indulgent to let his feelings flow into the arrangement. But music had always been able to catch him, focus him and make him see beyond the current pain. Expressing everything into notes proved once more the only outlet that seemed to work. But even that couldn’t take the pain away.

Mostly, he felt stupid. Really, what had he even expected? Sebastian had been right, he’d never made a secret of what they were. Had been. Whatever.

He tried to tell himself it wasn’t a big deal. Fine, he’d kind of fallen for a guy who wasn’t interested in more, he got his feelings – and okay, his ego – hurt, like millions of people before him, and now he’d have to pick himself up and deal with his life.

Like Regionals. Now, he definitely couldn’t allow the Warblers to lose against New Directions.

He really regretted the choice of songs.

Still, the arrangement sounded nice. And A Thousand Miles could use a sadder, darker interpretation. At least this way, it spoke to him, and besides, the judges would appreciate something fresh.

“That was pretty emotional.”

He froze for a second, but when he turned around, he tried not to show how surprised he was. He hadn’t noticed anyone walking in. But at some point, Kurt had entered the room. In his hand, he held a small, black and bedazzled box, and Blaine wondered whether he should ask about it. But they had bigger things to worry about.

“So… is this going to be the arrangement for A Thousand Miles?” Kurt asked, as he walked closer.

“It is,” Blaine said. “I figured we might go with something more… emotional. That was the whole point, after all.”

“It sounds sad, though,” Kurt said, “it’s a bit of a contrast to the lyrics.”

“Not really. It’s about missing someone, it doesn’t have to be hopeful. Besides, this way, it’ll stand out,” Blaine replied, turning back to the piano. He did not want to discuss this, and he certainly wouldn’t write another arrangement. This one had been hard enough, given his emotional state, and he just knew he wouldn’t be able to write something bright and fluffy right now. “I gave the arrangement to Wes, you should talk to him if there are any other questions.” It was a bit dismissive, and he did feel bad about it, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk. There was nothing to talk about, really, and he’d have to deal with his messy feelings on his own.

Clearly, Kurt had different plans.

“Will you just tell me what’s going on?”

Surprised, Blaine looked back up at him. There was an open expression on Kurt’s face, and he seemed honestly concerned, as he walked closer.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been moping for days, you haven’t really been yourself since I sang Blackbird, and even before, you’ve… I thought we were best friends, and you know basically everything that’s going on with me, but it’s kind of obvious that you’re struggling with something, probably have been for weeks, and I have no idea what’s going on with you. So, will you please just talk to me?”

Blaine looked to his hands, still lying on the piano keys. That was the problem, maybe. He hadn’t talked to anyone. He’d tried to solve everything himself. And wasn’t that spectacularly stupid, right after talking had actually helped him with the whole mess with Rachel? But that had been talking with Sebastian, and the subject was just a bit too raw.

“It’s not a big deal,” Blaine said eventually, turning towards Kurt, who leant against one of the desks. “But… um… I’ve been seeing someone.”

Kurt’s eyes widened, the shock obvious in his expression, but he said nothing, clearly waiting for more. Blaine cast his eyes downward, back to the keys, because… well, he had started, now he had to get this out, and he had a feeling it would be easier if he didn’t see Kurt’s expression. So, he continued.

“Except… that’s not actually true. More like… I’ve been sleeping with someone. And the dumb thing is, I knew going in, this wasn’t a relationship, and it wouldn’t be one. And I thought, I’m fine with that. It was about sex, it was _fun_ , except I also had fun talking to him, and just spending time with him, and _of course_ I fall in love, and I thought, _maybe_. Just, maybe he’ll give us a shot. And I get that he has his own issues, like he’s not exactly out, but he says he’s gay, except he has a girlfriend, and I really don’t have the slightest clue what their deal is, but… I told him, that I want more. And then he told me, he’s not interested, and basically dumped me. So yeah… that’s been going on with me.”

Now, he dared to look up.

He wished, he hadn’t.

“Are you kidding me?”

Blaine wasn’t sure what exactly he had expected. Confusion, maybe. Understanding was probably too much to ask. Definitely some form of compassion.

He saw none of that in his friend’s face. Kurt’s eyes were wide, the color pale and watery in the light of the common room. His voice was colder than anything Blaine had ever heard, how he could only imagine those slushies he’d been told about felt. And the expression on his face… disbelief, and – there was no other word – fury.

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Kurt asked, his hand gripping into the edge of the piano as if he could dig into the wood.

Blaine shrank back, shocked by the pure venom in his voice. “What-“

“I feel like I’m in some sort of different dimension!” Kurt continued, and now actually started pacing. “I… God, I should have expected this. First, it’s that Gap guy, then it’s Rachel of all people, and honestly, I thought that’s rock bottom, that you couldn’t possibly find someone worse, the bar was on the _ground_ , Blaine, and you still manage to go under it.”

Blaine had no idea where any of this was coming from, but now the shock slowly transformed into anger. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I actually thought this was going somewhere. That it was a matter of patience. I thought if I just give you time, you’ll figure it out eventually. But you were never going to, were you? I’ve literally been wasting my time waiting for you. And you don’t even see it… we could have had something, if you only stopped for a moment to see. And instead, that’s what you’re going after? Some closeted asshole, cheating on his girlfriend, going through his mid-life crisis or whatever?”

“Mid-life crisis? He’s in high school!” Blaine protested, the easiest point of attack while he was still trying to wrap his head around all the other points.

“Like that makes it any better,” Kurt bit back. He stopped pacing, and just looked at Blaine. The pure anger was fading, leaving pain, and something awfully close to disgust. It made Blaine recoil.

“I looked up to you,” Kurt said, his voice now softer, painful. “I thought you were different. Special. But in the end, you’re not. You’re like everyone else, going around, throwing yourself away for meaningless hook-ups.” He shook his head. “Guess I was wrong.

Blaine stared at him, wondering if he’d finally run out of steam. He knew his mouth was hanging open, as he stared at the boy he’d thought was one of his best friends.

Well, apparently, he’d been wrong about that.

Somehow, somewhere, he found his voice again.

“Did it ever occur to you,” he asked, on a very distant level surprised at how calm his voice sounded, a total contrast to the chaos in his mind, “that this is actually not about you?”

Kurt opened his mouth as if to protest, but Blaine wouldn’t let him get a word in. He spent enough time sitting here and listening, and like hell if he took one more second of this.

“Fine, I was dumb, I got in over my head, but you have no right to judge me, just because I don’t play into whatever fantasy world you’ve been building in your head, Kurt!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m sick of this,” Blaine said. “It’s like everything in our friendship revolves around you, or how you imagine things to be. I’ve been there for you from day one, but when I’m going through something and really could use a friend to talk things through, all you care about is how that impacts you. But guess what, it’s not about you. Me questioning my sexuality wasn’t about you, and this isn’t about you, either. So thank you so much for reminding me why I haven’t told you about this before. This isn’t easy for me, Kurt. You think I don’t feel guilty, or stupid, or embarrassed – or just… you know… sad?” He stopped, shaking his head. “But you don’t care about that, do you? You only care about how I feel when it’s about you.”

“That’s not fair,” Kurt protested.

“You’re right,” Blaine said softly. “It’s not fair. And it’s not friendship, either.” He turned away, and gathered his sheet music. “I’m done here. Wes can give you the arrangement. I’ll see you in rehearsal.”

Kurt started to protest, but Blaine was done listening. Holding onto the sheet music, he walked out of the common room, without looking back.

* * *

Everyone in New Directions was abuzz, nervous about Regionals and about how their original songs would land. The excitement was palpable.

Sebastian felt numb.

It had been two weeks. It shouldn’t have been a problem. Sebastian had hooked up before. And fine, he didn’t really have a friends with benefits thing before apart from that thing with Lucien. Considering how that had ended, he probably should have known better than starting something with Blaine.

It shouldn’t be a problem. It wasn’t. So what if he still felt the urge to call Blaine in the evening, or occasionally text him when New Directions were particularly insane? It didn’t matter how he missed Blaine in his bed, sometimes not even the sex itself, but the weight and warmth of him, coming down from a shared high, too tired to speak, just their intermingling breathing. And it hadn’t _actually_ felt like a punch when they’d been at dinner the other day, and Evelyn had asked him how Blaine was doing, and when he’d join them again.

Not a problem, he told himself, as he was sitting in the auditorium for Regionals, and the Warblers took the stage. It was fine. He was fine. He definitely didn’t feel like throwing up.

It had been two weeks since he pushed Blaine out of his life, and he still couldn’t deal with seeing him again. But there he was, taking his spot on the stage in front of the other Warblers, strangely enough with Kurt stepping up beside him.

Blaine looked flawless, of course, maybe a bit too much gel, but taller and self-assured in his Dalton blazer. Sebastian found himself looking for any sign of how he felt… was he angry? Hurt? Upset?

But there was only a perfect show face, and he wasn’t close enough to see through it.

“God, I hope they still try to pull off sexy,” Santana muttered. “This will be a cakewalk.”

He kind of missed a few weeks ago, when he could have just laughed it off, when he didn’t have a whole library of images of Blaine Anderson in different states of sexy in his memory.

“What’s up with you, anyway?” Santana asked. “Did someone kill your puppy or something? You’ve been a mess for like days.”

“I haven’t been sleeping too well,” Sebastian said. It was a bit too honest, a bit too much, and he wished he could take it back and deflect it with a joke or a sarcastic remark.

The nightmares had come back. It wasn’t quite as bad as last summer, but enough to keep him up in the middle of the night, lying awake till his alarm forced him out of bed. He barely even remembered the dreams afterwards – a jumbled mess of Blaine, and Lucien, _of “Why are you doing this?”_ and _“I have to get out of here,”_ and the screeching brakes of a car… He’d gotten moody to the point that he’d even snapped at Sam, and that guy was so nice that even Sebastian usually had a hard time being mean to him.

He took another look at the Warblers, that Santana clearly noticed.

“What, did prep school blow you off or something?” she asked.

He froze, and could only pray she didn’t notice. “What are you even on about?”

“Oh please, you look at him like he’s a bottle of that wanky cognac stuff you keep going on about”, Santana said, rolling her eyes.

Sebastian wanted to protest, but then the Warblers started to sing, and…

Oh.

It took him a moment to recognize the melody as A Thousand Miles, but not as bright as he remembered it. Darker, minor chords… and when Blaine started singing, the mask slipped away just enough to show the pain underneath.

This was on him, Sebastian was sure of it. That was just the kind of disaster he was, to take someone like Blaine, gorgeous, curious, smart, self-assured Blaine Warbler, and turn him into a mess like this.

And then, Kurt began singing, ripping him right out of his thoughts. Because, while Blaine’s hurt was somehow fitting this weird, subdued version of the song, Kurt was exuding anger. It was jarring. His face was steel, and he seemed to be determined to ignore Blaine beside him.

Maybe there was more going on than just him, but before he could let himself off the hook, Blaine looked over and their eyes met.

Yeah, okay, no. This _was_ his fault.

The worst thing was, he could imagine himself doing this on purpose. Not this, exactly, but finding a weak spot in a rival team, using it to throw the opponent off his game. But it hadn’t even been about this. He wished he could turn back the time, somehow stop Blaine from ever bringing up feelings, destroying this honestly good thing they had. He tried to push away how nice it had felt, to have Blaine in his bed, his room, excitedly talking about something trivial, having dinner with his family… it had been good, easy, just a casual thing.

Except… if it had been casual, why did Sebastian miss him so much?

It couldn’t be feelings, he told himself. He’d been so careful not to do this again, not after the way it had blown up in his face the last time. And still, Blaine had slid into his life, into crooks and corners, right through his defenses…

He should have known.

The Warblers launched into their second number, Viva La Vida, and if it had just been that song, maybe Sebastian would have been worried. Blaine was still a bit too intense, too raw and open to be appreciated by the idiots usually judging these competitions, but it brought the necessary energy to the song, and it worked. Clearly, Blaine had learned to use music as a vehicle to express his pain.

As Sebastian watched him, he couldn’t stop himself thinking of Lucien. Was that how he made Blaine feel? Insecure, not sure if he was good enough, if Sebastian was just an asshole, or if there was something wrong with Blaine himself…? He remembered it so well.

_“I can’t do this right now. I need to get out of here. Just… I can’t.”_

He turned away, trying to push it all down, the anger, and the pain, and these questions… if he hadn’t said anything… if he’d just pushed it down, or at least chosen a better timing… the tearful voice of Lucien’s mother…

Santana pushed an elbow into his side, effectively breaking the spell.

“Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Get a grip,” she muttered.

He should probably be annoyed at how insensitive she was, but really, he was grateful for her to distract him. Funny, how her version of tough love always managed to get through to him.

“I know one thing,” she said, “this is _worse_ than them trying to be sexy. We’ve got this, don’t we?”

“Looks like it,” Sebastian said. He wasn’t surprised that there was no joy in the realization.

Santana looked at him in irritation, and for a moment, he thought she’d say something else. Instead, she rolled her eyes, but gave his leg an awkward pat.

Some days he was honestly just grateful for Santana.

* * *

Santana had long ago learned that her life went easier when she didn’t question things. Thinking could be dangerous, especially exploring her own feelings. It was easier to stick to her role. And really, it wasn’t too bad. She and Quinn were still battling for queen bee, but no matter who was the frontrunner at the moment, Santana had secured a place on top of the food chain, even if she was a glee club member. In glee, she might barely get solos, but she had made sure everyone respected her. And dating the soccer captain also helped with her standing in the eye of the student body. She was doing great.

On paper.

In reality, her rivalry with Quinn was exhausting, in glee club she was tired of always having to sit back while Rachel took center stage, and as entertaining as Sebastian was for a boyfriend, it was nothing compared to her time with Brittany.

Every day felt like she was walking on a tightrope, every day she had to perfectly keep her balance.

And she did – until Brittany had to mess it up.

Santana should have known it was a dumb idea to talk about their feelings. Why risk it, when it was so much easier to lose herself in soft kisses, and pretend it didn’t mean anything? Why ruin this by talking? They had a good thing…

But when Brittany looked at her like that, said they needed help… It was just too hard to say no.

For once, Santana had tried, had actually taken things seriously. She’d listened to Miss Holiday’s advice, she’d chosen a song, she’d performed with Brittany, and allowed herself to really feel the lyrics of Landslide – of realizing the picture of her life she’d had, and understanding and ultimately accepting that things had changed, evolved. She was almost crying by the end of the number, and when Brittany hugged her afterwards, Santana actually felt like she could do this.

They could do this.

Well, maybe she wasn’t ready to be openly out. But she understood what she wanted, and that was Brittany. Anything else would come with time. For now, she needed to go see Brittany and be honest with her, tell her how she felt. Later, she’d have to break up with Sebastian. She almost felt a bit sorry about that. Sure, their relationship was mutually beneficial, and had arisen mostly from opportunism. They made a pretty good team. But it wasn’t love, nothing like what she felt for Brittany. Not to mention how Sebastian had gotten ridiculously hung up on his Warbler boy, so maybe he could find some comfort there.

None of it mattered, not the way Brittany did. And Santana had wasted enough time.

She found Brittany at her locker, the hallway around them fortunately empty. Her nerves were flaring up worse than they had for any glee or Cheerio performance, but she would do this.

The start was easier than she’d expected, thanking Brittany for singing with her, but more importantly for making her do this, realize what she really felt.

It wasn’t enough, though. It wasn’t the truth. Not all of it. So, Santana once more gather all her courage, to finally say what she meant.

“I want to be with you,” she said. “But I’m afraid of the talks, and the looks… I’m so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back.” She stopped, trying to keep her voice steady, but it was so hard… it felt like she was overflowing with emotion, fear before anything. She felt like a scared little girl, and she hated that, remembered why she’d never wanted to be vulnerable… but she would do it, would risk it, for Brittany, so she continued. “Still, I have to accept… that I love you.” By now, she could feel tears on her face, but it didn’t even matter anymore. She’d gone this far, what was the point of holding back now? “I love _you_ , and I don’t want to be with Sebastian, or anyone… I just want you. So please… say that you love me back. _Please_.”

It was like floating, like any moment she could fall and shatter, but it barely lasted a second, Brittany’s answer coming immediately.

“Of course, I love you.”

Relief flooded through Santana, sweet and exciting – but then, Brittany continued.

“And I’d totally be with you, if it weren’t for Artie.”

Santana could almost hear the scratch on vinyl in her heard.

“Artie?” she asked. It didn’t make sense. That… that wasn’t part of the plan.

But Brittany kept talking. “I love him too, I can’t break up with him.”

“Of course you can,” Santana protested. “He’s just a stupid boy!”

She could see it though, in the sad, almost pitying expression in Brittany’s face. She didn’t have to listen anymore, to the reasons, and excuses, and the promise that if she and Artie ever broke up, Brittany would jump to be with her… none of it mattered. Because Brittany didn’t want her.

Brittany moved to hug her, and Santana flinched back. There was an almost pained expression on the other girl’s face, before she apologized and turned around, walking away and out of sight.

Santana stared after her, and she…

She couldn’t.

Just… how? Why?

For years, she’d built walls around herself, become sarcastic and abrasive so nobody would get a chance to hurt her. She certainly lost friends and opportunities over it, but she’d preferred that over being vulnerable. Nobody would see her crying. She hadn’t wanted to be close to anyone.

Except for Brittany. Her best friend, the only one she let close. The one she loved. She’d tried to push it down, tell herself they were just fooling around, having fun, even when she knew, it was so much more.

Brittany loved her.

And she still turned away.

After dragging it all out in the open, making Santana let go of all armor, and she _left her like that…_

This had to be what it felt like to break. This was it, wasn’t it, the thing she’d tried to protect herself from? Sobbing, she turned around. Like this day could get any worse.

At the end of the locker row was Sebastian, just silently staring at her.

Santana hadn’t heard him approach, and for a moment she wondered how much he’d heard. But she could tell from his expression that it had probably been enough.

She couldn’t do this.

She watched him walk closer, his face unreadable, and suddenly, she was afraid. He could be vicious, just like her, and right now, after Brittany had stripped her of any sort of protection, she wasn’t sure she could take it.

He stopped in front of her, still looking at her, some sort of conflict evident in his face.

“Please…” she began, not even sure what she was asking for.

He shook his head, slightly, putting a hand on her arm. Only then did she recognize the expression on his face, and maybe it was a whole level of sad that it took her this long to understand it.

Compassion.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

As another sob welled up inside her, he pulled her into an embrace, strong, and fierce, and… she lost it. Holding onto him like he was a life raft, she let herself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay


	6. In Vino Veritas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is kind of a détente chapter, with a focus on Sebastian and Santana. We'll get back to Blaine next chapter (and I might even surprise some of you), but for now, Santana needs some comfort, and Sebastian needs some help working that maze in his head.

* * *

Sneaking into his father’s liquor cabinet hadn’t been too hard. It was one of the first things Sebastian had figured out to do once he moved into the house – not to exploit it immediately, just so he’d have the option. They’d rescued a bottle of Courvoisier and Jameson, and hidden away in his room. Not that it was necessary – his father and Evelyn were visiting her sister for a wedding and wouldn’t be back for the next two days – but it felt… more comfortable. Secure. A safe space, so to speak, not matter how ridiculous Sebastian felt for even having the thought.

Santana had been crying on and off, but right now, she seemed to have exhausted herself. Sebastian was a bit relieved about that. He couldn’t handle tears too well, not even his own, and he felt kind of useless. All he could offer was holding her, and getting her drunk, and neither of those would help in the long term. But well, sometimes alcohol was enough to take the edge off, just for a bit, just long enough until the pain started to look manageable.

They were talking, too.

Funny, how they’d been dating for months, and never really talked. There were, of course, things they both understood. Santana hadn’t been nearly as subtle as she thought in sneaking off with Brittany, and obviously she had noticed that he seemed a lot less interested in sleeping with her than any supposedly straight guy should. She’d picked up on him having some sort of trauma in his past, and eventually managed to get at least the bare bones version of it. She knew about Lucien’s death, just not what he’d been to Sebastian. Then again, he hadn’t figured that part out himself, if he was completely honest.

And even lately, they’d been pulling their punches. He could have made a lot more remarks about Brittany and Artie, while she could have gone far beyond the occasional tease about Blaine. They both were the type to jump on any insecurity, but somehow, instead they’d decided to give the other a break. Probably, because despite any claim to the opposite, they did kind of care for each other.

Which was probably how they ended up here, actually talking about their situation, now that silent understanding just wasn’t enough anymore.

They were in his room, lounging on the carpet in front of his bed, with something trivial running on the television. He had an arm around her shoulders, as she leaned against him. Each of them had a bottle in their hands, taking sips directly from them occasionally, as Santana talked.

About the first time she’d met Brittany, how she’d known this was someone special, important. How they’d become friends, even though Santana never saw herself as a nurturing person, someone protective of someone so… unusual as Brittany. How it had started with a dare, or a joke, and she’d realized that nothing ever felt as right as kissing the other girl did. How she’d been freaked out, tried to throw herself at guys, for status, and to prove to herself that she was normal. And through it all, Brittany had been a constant.

It had been fine when they didn’t have labels. When she hadn’t been forced to confront her feelings. Because… if they weren’t anything special, it was easier to see Brittany choosing someone else. After all, she and Santana weren’t dating, just fooling around. Of course, she wasn’t choosing her, when Santana never allowed herself to be an option.

“And look at me now…”

“It sucks, huh?” Sebastian said. “It’s all fine until someone has to bring in goddamn feelings.”

“Exactly.”

Santana sighed, taking another sip. “I just… she brought it up. I don’t understand why she would do that if she doesn’t want me… what can freaking Artie give her?”

“I mean, there’s one thing,” Sebastian said, earning himself a very deserved elbow into his side. “Ow, _sorry_.”

They were quiet for a moment, until she put the bottle down, staring at her hands instead. “Am I really that awful?” she asked. Her voice was small, and honestly, it was kind of heartbreaking.

“You’re not. Look, I won’t pretend I get anything that’s going on in Brittany’s head, but even if you’ll hit me for it, if she honestly chooses Artie over you, then she’s almost as dumb as people think she is.”

Santana stared at him, as if she wasn’t sure whether she really wanted to hit him or be grateful. Eventually, she sighed, leaning back against him. They were silent for a while, as she seemed to sort her thoughts. Eventually, she spoke again.

“The problem is that I love her,” she said.

“That’s the worst,” Sebastian said. “Love… Just messes up everything. But there’s no way to switch it off.”

“How’d you know?” she asked, the challenge not even hidden.

“I think I’m in love with Blaine.”

He hadn’t meant to say it, hadn’t even thought about it in these terms. What was love anyway…? He’d thought he loved Lucien, but now… Blaine… this was different. And still, the word felt more fitting.

“Seriously?” Santana asked, her expression a mix of pity and possibly disgust. “I mean, I figured that little game would explode in the usual fuckbuddy catching feelings cliché, but I seriously had my money on Bambi, not you.”

He gaped at her, and she looked at him like he was an idiot.

“What, you think I didn’t know you’ve been hooking up with him? Please, you’re not anywhere near as subtle as you think you are.”

“You don’t care?” he asked, and it was kind of hard for him to grasp the concept.

She hesitated, but then she shrugged. “Did you care about me and Brittany?”

Sebastian leaned back against the bedframe, and for once, actually tried to think about it. He’d known, of course – Santana as well being more obvious than she thought to anyone who bothered to look for more than a second – but had he care?

“I thought she was good for you,” he said eventually. “I’m not so sure anymore.”

She looked at him, and all at once she seemed even more vulnerable. It was obvious what was going through her head, that to her it was such a foreign concept to even consider _Brittany_ might not be good enough for her. Or at least, it was easy to understand for Sebastian, self-loathing just another quality the both of them shared.

What a pair they turned out to be…

“So, let me get this straight – pun not intended,” Santana said, turning towards him as he couldn’t suppress a snort. “We’ve been dating for months, having sex that neither of us was actually that into, while talking like we were at it all the time, but then we both went and found someone to sleep with and have feelings for and basically have some sort of parallel relationship with that we’re actually interested in, and both of us figured that out about the other, and somehow we never talked about this once?”

Sebastian opened his mouth to protest, but now that she summed it up like that…

“Huh. We really suck at this whole gay thing, don’t we?” he asked. Still, the situation was so weird that he couldn’t help smiling at her. Slowly, the hilarity broke through, and he chuckled. She looked at him for a moment like he was insane – and then the grin started to grow on her face, and a few moments later they were both laughing out loud, almost to the point of tears.

When they calmed down, she rested her head on his shoulder again.

“You suck worse, though,” she said.

“I mean, I suck _more_ ,” he replied. “Though maybe not lately…”

“ _Idiota_ ,” she said, shoving him again. “I mean you’re dumber than I am.”

“Oh, and why’s that?” Sebastian asked.

“I’ve seen how he looks at you,” Santana said. “Or, well, looked at you. I don’t know how exactly you fucked things up. I mean… do you seriously expect me to believe your tiny Disney prince found out you have feelings and dumped you?”

“Actually… it was the other way around.”

He’d thought she looked at him like he was an idiot before. But apparently, he’d only seen the beginning.

“Wait, what? You’re not making any sense.”

The worst thing of it was, he knew it didn’t. At the time, it had seemed like the smart thing to do, to push Blaine away. He knew he couldn’t start an actual relationship with him. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a fun diversion. He hadn’t even considered developing feelings – or rather, hadn’t allowed the thought to enter his mind. So of course, he had rejected Blaine, had pushed him away at just the slightest reminder of the bad things happening when someone developed feelings…

But now, the longer they were out of contact, the more he realized he missed Blaine. The feelings he’d insisted to ignore were actually there, and it became harder every day to pretend they weren’t. And now… something about Santana’s heartbreak and vulnerability must have swapped over to him, because somehow, when he looked back now, it was way too obvious. She was probably right about him being the bigger idiot.

“He told me he wanted more,” he said, when he noticed she was still waiting for an answer. “And I… I don’t know. I panicked. I told him I’m not interested, that it didn’t mean anything. That we had a good thing going and he shouldn’t ruin it by turning it into something it’s not. I mean… makes sense, right? I didn’t want a damn boyfriend…”

“And now?” she asked.

Sebastian sighed. “Now I keep thinking of him. Of calling him at night, to talk about our days. How insane New Directions are, or the weird bureaucracies of the Warblers. Of him staying over, and not just the sex, but… I don’t know. Spending time with him. Talking. I’d even take damn family time, as long as he’s there. Hear his voice. Him singing. And I kind of want it back.”

She snorted. “Hate to break it to you, but it sounds like you _do_ want a boyfriend.”

He hesitated, then shrugged. “Sounds like it,” he said. “And obviously, I only noticed now that it’s too late. He offered me basically everything… and I pushed him away.” And hurt him, just passing on at least parts of the pain he couldn’t shake himself.

“Man, even I didn’t think you were _that_ dumb,” Santana said.

“Again, why?”

“Well, I hope you know that if Brittany gave me as much of an inkling that she wanted to be with me, I’d be in my car so fast-”

His jaw dropped. “What the fuck? Don’t even joke about that.”

She frowned. “You’re not seriously surprised I’d go to see her?”

“You drunk half a bottle of goddamn whisky, idiot. I’ll pay your damn taxi, but come on.”

She actually looked chastised at that. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, surprised by his own overreaction. Of course, she hadn’t meant it like that. But to react like this… And the whole mess he made of things with Blaine…

Damn, maybe Evelyn’s recurring comments about therapy weren’t as dumb as he’d thought…

Santana took his hand, interrupting the thought. “Look, I’m clearly not an expert on this crap. I mean, it took me ages to figure out how I feel about Brittany, and it basically crashed and burnt immediately, so really, the last thing you should ever do is take advice from me on this topic. That being said – you and I are in different positions. He actually wants you. Or, well, wanted you. And wanted to be with you. All that’s in your way is yourself.”

Sebastian looked at her skeptically. “I pushed him away. What am I supposed to say? Sorry, I was too dumb to realize what I’m feeling, I changed my mind, please take me back?” He shook his head. “I think he has just a bit too much self-respect for that.”

“Bullshit. Nobody in love has self-respect, and you know it,” Santana said.

“Do you ever wonder if that attitude is part of our problem?” Sebastian asked.

She frowned, then shrugged. “I don’t know. Is that what we’re doing now? Sort out our baggage and where exactly our damage comes from? Because just so we’re clear, half a bottle isn’t nearly enough for that.”

Sebastian shuddered. “Yeah, okay, sounds like an awful idea.”

“The point I was getting at…” She hesitated, looking at the bottle of Jameson. “I _was_ getting at something, right?”

“I don’t know, were you?” Sebastian asked, as if distracting her would change anything about his situation.

She rolled his eyes, and took another sip. “My point is, you might actually fix this. There’s not much hope for me, cause I put it all on the table, and Brittany walked away. But Blaine doesn’t know you want him. Maybe it’s time you push down your baggage and actually try to do something that just might make you happy.”

“How the hell is he supposed to forgive me for this?” Sebastian asked. Being rejected like this hurt, as he knew, as Santana knew.

She looked at him, as if she was completely and utterly exhausted. But when she spoke, her voice was clear and calm.

“I’m the most vindictive person I know. I hold grudges like nobody. And again, if Brittany told me now… that she changed her mind, that she was sorry… I’d still be hurt, and uncertain, and maybe I wouldn’t trust it for a while… and I’d need time… but would I forgive her?” She paused, and as she blinked, but there were no tears. The next word was barely above a whisper. “Absolutely.”

Sebastian took a sip from his bottle of Courvoisier. “That’s ridiculous,” he said.

“That’s love,” she replied, and rested her head against his shoulder again. “Look, we’ve all shown some courage so far. Blaine confessed his feelings, Brittany insisted on knowing what we’re doing and what it means, I laid it all out for her… now it’s your turn. Or don’t, not that I care. Besides, if he isn’t important enough for you to get over yourself, it’s probably better if you let him go.”

He flinched away, staring at her. He wasn’t even sure what upset him so much. Not the veiled insult of cowardice. Maybe the insinuation that Blaine wasn’t important, or rather that he didn’t care enough…

Of course, Blaine was important. He deserved every apology, but more importantly, he deserved an explanation. And suddenly, Sebastian realized that if he wanted even the slightest chance to turn this around, he couldn’t offer any half-truths or excuses.

If he ever wanted another chance with Blaine, he’d have to give him the whole truth.

A wave of nausea hit him, and he had to put down the bottle of Courvoisier. Where could he even begin with this? Just the idea of laying it all out made him want to run away.

And still…

There was no other way. He’d have to apologize and explain himself. It would be absolutely excruciating – if he even got Blaine to listen to him – and in the end, it would probably not even change anything. He might even still be told to go to hell. But there was no choice now, was there?

Santana looked to him, the pity clear on her face. “Love’s the worst, huh?” she asked.

“Love sucks,” he replied, pulling her into a half-hug again.

She was right, though. And Blaine deserved it that he at least tried.

But not tonight, he told himself as he took another sip of Courvoisier, and Santana leaned against him. Tonight was for grief and pain. Tomorrow would be for the hangover. And then… well, then he’d have to figure out a way to fix this.

* * *

Of all the ways the bullying situation at McKinley could be solved, Sebastian honestly wondered why blackmail never occurred to him. Then again, he hadn’t ever really spent too much time on the question.

He had no idea just what Santana had on Karofsky, or why she even bothered in the first place, outside of some weird quest for positive karma, but at least for now, it seemed kind of effective.

At least, it was effective enough that Kurt could return to McKinley.

Again, Sebastian was slightly confused on the _why_ of it all – why Santana would care, why _he_ should care, or why anyone would even think about transferring to McKinley of all places, when Dalton Academy was an option.

Then again, Kurt had never seemed too interested in sensible choices. Hell, at some point Sebastian could have sworn he’d heard him say something about going to Julliard, apparently unaware that they didn’t even have a musical theater program. And honestly, he held back. He didn’t comment on anybody’s sentimentality, didn’t make any jokes or comments, and really, he wouldn’t have cared at all.

But making him sit through this ridiculously sentimental performance of As If We Never Said Goodbye was a step too far.

At least that’s what he thought until the topic suddenly changed to whether or not Rachel Berry needed a nose job.

What was his life even?

As if all that wasn’t bad enough, there was some sort of war about who became Prom Queen, everyone passed around pictures of Quinn before some sort of plastic surgery, and all in all, he hadn’t wanted to get out of this place this much since he got here.

Blaine hadn’t answered.

As the madness of McKinley moved around him, Sebastian missed their conversations more than ever. It had been a relief to share all this insanity with someone from the outside, who wasn’t involved in it all, and probably still doubted about half the things Sebastian told him as they were too outlandish.

Now, his silence was deafening. It was also, unfortunately, deserved.

Almost as often as Blaine, Lucien was back at the forefront of his mind. For so long, the lesson he’d taken away was that he should have kept it quiet, if only he’d shut up and ignored feelings and questions… but now, with some distance, he wondered… he’d pushed the thought down as soon as it occurred, but maybe, looking back, Lucien had been wrong to dismiss him, and leave, and get in that car in the first place. Sebastian hadn’t made him get in, and he certainly hadn’t forced booze or pills down anyone’s throat…

Funny, that he only realized it was wrong, that he’d done it himself, turned around and treated Blaine the way Lucien had treated him. When he thought about how he’d felt that night, even before he’d heard… Stupid, and childish, and unwanted… And now, Blaine was the one feeling all that.

So of course, he didn’t answer his phone, and Sebastian’s message, asking for a chance to talk and explain everything, clearly hadn’t moved him either.

A piece of cloth hit his face, distracting him from his thoughts. He looked up in irritation. He’d expected hiding out in the bleachers would give him some sort of privacy, but that was probably too much to ask. He looked up to see Santana sitting down beside him. The thing she’d thrown at him turned out to be a white t-shirt, bold black letters on it reading “bitch”.

Great, and he’d just managed to push this ridiculous little glee club project out of his mind.

“Is that supposed to be a new pet name?” he asked Santana. “Because that’s hard pass for me.”

“It’s my t-shirt,” Santana said, rolling her eyes. “What are you putting on?”

“I don’t know… nothing as lame as that,” Sebastian replied. “You know this is cheating, right?”

“Excuse me?”

“Like that’s something you’re self-conscious about. You love being a bitch. You made that your identity. Don’t act like you’re ashamed of it.”

Santana groaned. “Have you been talking to Brittany?”

“No, but it’s kind of obvious.”

Santana sat down beside him, shaking her head in disgust. “This is the worst number ever, and that’s saying something. Shouldn’t we bother about Nationals?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Sebastian said.

“And why is it such a big deal anyway? I mean, Kurt put ‘likes boys’ on his t-shirt.”

“Seriously? He’s all but running around with a neon sign saying Gay in pink sparkles with arrows pointing to him,” Sebastian said.

“It would work for you, though. If you want a super public coming-out.”

“Ugh, gross, people would think we wore matching outfits,” Sebastian said. “Besides, I’m not embarrassed about that. It’s just not anybody’s business”

“You could write ‘I like birds’. Would at least be honest.”

“One bird,” Sebastian replied, “and like that wouldn’t lead to an uncomfortable and embarrassing intervention.”

Santana chuckled, but after a moment, she got serious again.

“Brittany gave me a t-shirt that said Lebanese,” she said.

“Thought you were Latina,” Sebastian said, frowning at her.

“She means lesbian.”

“Ah.” Sebastian waited for a moment if there was any follow-up. When none came, he turned towards her.

She looked miserable again, balling up the white fabric of the shirt in her hand. “It’s stupid anyway,” she said eventually, once she noticed he was looking at her.

“Guess there’s always the possibility of just not going,” he said. “Save ourselves all the trouble.”

But he somehow knew, from the way Santana looked at the shirt, that she wouldn’t. Not that anybody else would understand what the word even meant. Or maybe – just maybe – this was Brittany being brilliant instead of just weird, giving Santana a possibility to put out the truth without anybody understanding it.

Suddenly, he wondered whether his not too kind thoughts about the girl were really justified, or if he’d been too harsh to her. If nothing else, she seemed to at least get Santana better than anyone else.

And maybe he should take an example of this. Wasn’t that what he realized? That hiding wasn’t going to help, that he had to be honest? So maybe, for once, it would be worth it to take at least one lesson from glee club seriously. It wouldn’t solve his problems. But it was a step forward.

“Oh god, you’re really thinking about it, aren’t you?” Santana asked.

“Like you aren’t,” he replied.

She sighed. “Look what love has done to us. We’re both pathetic.”

And really, he couldn’t argue with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay, come over to say hi and see what i'm currently working on


	7. Truth And Dare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this chapter is my favorite. Especially the end, in which I had one line from betty running through my had in endless loops. So, enjoy.

* * *

There had been discussions, and council meetings, and halfway through the whole process, Blaine didn’t even know why he bothered with it. There were enough reasons to just let Kurt go his way without any big fanfare. After all, the transfer back to McKinley had been taken care of so fast that they basically only heard about it right before he left, at Kurt’s last Warbler rehearsal. At the end of the session, he’d made his announcements, and sung to them – Big Girls Don’t Cry, which was beautiful even if it didn’t quite ring true – but nobody really had time to react. Not to mention, their last real conversation had been… ugly, no other way to put it.

They hadn’t talked, and every interaction after Regionals had been awkward, to say the least, which made it not that surprising that Blaine hadn’t heard about the transfer earlier. It had been Jeff’s idea, technically, to have the Warblers give a farewell performance, but after initial hesitation, Blaine had decided to support the cause. No matter how things turned out, Kurt had been part of the team, even a featured soloist at Regionals. A farewell in style was the right thing to do.

It also gave Blaine something else to focus on than wallowing in self-pity over his heartbreak. He’d spent too much time thinking, anyway. Although… looking back, he could even find some understanding for Kurt. Somehow, it had been too easy for Blaine to just forget that his friend had confessed feelings for him. It probably hadn’t been that easy to watch Blaine look for love anywhere else, and especially with his own recent heartache, Blaine could sympathize more. Still, he couldn’t help but think that a friend should have shown more support than that. Either way, preparing the performance was a welcome distraction, and just maybe it would be a step to repair at least some bridges.

It was only when they arrived at McKinley that Blaine realized he might very well see Sebastian again.

He wasn’t quite sure he was ready. Sebastian had texted him, but he had deleted it without reading. He didn’t want to know what it said, not really. His mind immediately jumped to worst case scenarios, but even if it wasn’t, what was the best thing he could hope for? An offer to keep doing what they were doing? Maybe remain friends?

A text had been enough to bring Kurt out onto the courtyard, and the Warblers began their rendition of Wild World. It was a group arrangement this time, no solo. After all, that had been one of the things annoying Kurt the most, and Blaine wouldn’t want to make him feel like he was taking this goodbye as another chance to hog the spotlight.

Even as he fell into the harmonies, Blaine noticed the McKinley students listening. With all he’d heard, he was half surprised nobody threw food at them. But for some reason, their impromptu audience seemed to actually like their performance, maybe not quite noticing that they were basically the bad things out there in the world.

Still, Kurt seemed touched. Once the song ended, Wes as leader of the council stepped up in front of him with a short speech to give Kurt their best wishes. Blaine took the opportunity to take a look around over the courtyard. He couldn’t catch a glimpse of Sebastian, but he saw Santana in the background. She was looking at the whole thing with an expression of bemusement. For once, she wasn’t in her Cheerios uniform, instead wearing simple dark jeans and a black leather jacket over a white t-shirt that said “Lebanese” in bold letters – similar to the t-shirt Kurt was wearing under his uncharacteristic red plaid shirt, although his said “Likes Boys”. Maybe some glee club thing.

Wes finished his speech and gave Kurt a handshake. Other Warblers followed his example, some giving him a pat on the shoulder, or some encouraging words. Eventually, Blaine was up. Kurt was looking at him with hesitation, their fight obviously still weighing on him.

“Quite a display,” Kurt said.

“Well, if the Warblers step outside of Dalton, we might as well go all out, right?” Blaine asked with a shrug. “Also… I know our last talk wasn’t exactly… you know. I just-“

“I’m sorry,” Kurt said. “I was out of line. I don’t really know what you’re going through, and I shouldn’t have been so judgmental.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Blaine said. “I was being kind of inconsiderate.”

“So… are we okay?”

“I think so, yeah,” Blaine said. Obviously, it wasn’t all out of the world, but it at least opened the doors to an actual conversation. One, in which they could lay things out, and maybe move on. They had been good friends, and it would be a shame to lose all of that. Maybe they could build a real friendship from this, something Blaine had realized during the last months he severely lacked.

“And isn’t that sweet?”

He flinched, hoped it was not too visible, when Santana approached them.

“Santana,” he said, trying not to look too guilty.

“Frodo,” she replied. “Nice performance, should have brought some of that to Regionals, and we might have had some trouble.”

“Yeah, well…” He tried to laugh it off, before turning away. Apart from Sebastian, she was the last person he wanted to talk to.

“You know, we’re doing a performance right now in the auditorium,” Santana said. “You might want to see it.”

He turned back to her, frowning. Even Kurt looked confused.

“Actually, we were just going back to Dalton,” Blaine said. “We kind of carpooled here…”

“Are you driving?” Santana asked.

“No?”

“Then don’t worry. Tell your fan club they can leave, we’ll get you back to Hogwarts no problem.”

Blaine hesitated. He really wasn’t sure what he should get from a New Directions performance, or why she’d even care for him to be there. They’d barely had a conversation, and still, it wasn’t easy to not let the guilt weigh him down when he just looked at her. For a second, he even wondered whether she knew, if this was some sort of trap… But she seemed sincere, even a bit soft, warmer… If this was important, for whatever reason, didn’t he owe her that at least?

“Okay,” he said eventually. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Santana shot him a quick smile, before turning around, just beckoning with her head for him to follow as she and Kurt made their way inside and to the auditorium.

“What’s with the t-shirts?” Blaine asked.

“We’re celebrating the things about us that get judged, or that we judge ourselves and want to change,” Kurt explained. “It’s a thing to help Rachel. And maybe Tina. But really, everyone.”

When they arrived at the auditorium, Blaine found a seat and looked down at the stage. It started with Kurt, alone on the stage, as he began to sing Born This Way. Over the course of the song, other members of the glee club joined, all wearing some sort of hoodie or jacket over similar t-shirts. Sebastian was among the last who joined, wearing a green hoodie that Blaine remembered borrowing once or twice. He had to bite down on his lips to keep his composure.

The performance was… honestly, great. So much energy, and for once, he could see at least a glimpse of the team spirit between New Directions. Over the course of the performance, more and more hoodies and jackets were discarded to reveal the t-shirts, and the confessions of their insecurities. They ranged from honest, to kind of weird – he did get Finn’s concern about his dancing ability, Tina’s eye color, or Rachel’s worry about her nose, but Santana’s Lebanese confused him just as much as whatever Quinn’s Lucy Caboosey was supposed to be.

And then, his eyes fell to Sebastian, as he threw away his hoodie.

Blaine wasn’t sure what he’d even put on there, always so self-assured. Maybe some remark towards his sexuality, but if that was a source of insecurity, Sebastian had been great at pretending otherwise. Then, he read the text.

Won’t Say I’m In Love

Blaine stared at the words, not sure what to make of them. Was that… was it true? Was it about him? But it had to be… what sense would it make, if it was about Santana? They were dating, that would be the assumption…

But if it was about Blaine… then why hadn’t he said it? Why would that even be an insecurity? And what did it mean, for Sebastian to display it now, when he hadn’t even known, couldn’t possibly have known Blaine would be here to see it?

And god, there was this awful, treacherous hope again. He tried to push it down, tried to remember the pain, and the anger, at the way Sebastian had dismissed him, how awful he’d felt.

And still…

There were so many memories, good memories, warm and…

It had felt like love. It had felt like more than just sex.

The song ended, and the group erupted into cheers, rightfully happy with how the performance had gone. Blaine could only look at them, feeling completely removed. Funny, how just five words could throw him into such a turmoil. But one thing he knew was that he couldn’t deal with this. Not now, not without at least a few moments to collect himself. He had to go. He’d call Wes, see if anyone would be willing to turn back and pick him up. Besides, even if he was ready to face Sebastian, he’d have to wait until everyone had filed out, dodge Kurt and Santana to actually get him alone, and then… No, he’d have to think about it. And it wasn’t like this was a message to him, Sebastian hadn’t known he’d been there. And if he wanted to talk…

Had he wanted to talk? Was that what the texts had been about?

Before he could fall down another rabbit hole, he got up, and left the auditorium. As he walked through the corridors, his mind was still spinning. This day had been a lot more than he had expected. He wished Cooper was still here, or at least anyone he could talk to, just to solve this maze inside his head…

And then, a voice behind him.

“Blaine, wait! Please!”

* * *

As the last notes ended, Sebastian found himself looking out into the auditorium. There were a few figures, looking at them in various degrees of interest. But nothing drew his eye like that glimpse of navy and red. He’d barely registered Blaine’s presence – and what on earth was he even doing here? – when he also saw that he was getting up and walking out.

For a second, all he could do was stare. He was torn from this trance when Santana jabbed her elbow into his side again.

“Oh my god, you idiot, _go_!” she hissed.

The next thing he knew, he was moving, jumping off the stage, and running through the auditorium, ignoring the rest of the group staring at him. He couldn’t fault them, he was acting pretty insane. But their opinion really didn’t matter. What mattered was to catch up to Blaine, to not let him walk out of his life again.

As he left the auditorium, he could see Blaine, walking away, and even from here he seemed distressed. This time, Sebastian didn’t hesitate.

“Blaine, wait! Please!”

Blaine turned around, clearly conflicted. It wasn’t perfect, but Sebastian would take it for now.

“Please… can we talk?”

“I don’t know,” Blaine said, his voice neutral in a way that seemed forced. “Is there anything new to talk about? Because otherwise, I rather wouldn’t.”

Finally, Sebastian caught up to him. “I want to apologize,” he said, and it was almost a surprise how easy the words were to say, “and I want to explain. I was… I owe you… I just need to explain.” Although really, if this was the level of eloquence he could come up with, now that he had Blaine and his golden eyes right finally in front of him again, he was fighting more of an uphill battle than he’d expected.

Blaine looked tired, and uncertain. For the longest time, he didn’t speak, just looked at Sebastian’s eyes as if he expected to see something in there, some sort of confirmation, a reason to either leave or follow.

Eventually, he nodded.

Sebastian sighed in relief, and then pulled him into one of the empty classrooms. He was surprised himself when he saw the weird wigs and costumes, until he realized it had to be Holly Holiday’s history classroom.

“So… you wanted to say something?”

Sebastian took a deep breath. This wasn’t easy, but he was done with running away from everything.

“I’m sorry, for how I treated you. For pushing you away. I do like you, Blaine, I just… I freaked out.”

There was a certain exasperation and annoyance in the way Blaine looked at him. And really, he could understand that. That was a pretty lame apology, and no explanation at all.

Well, he’d known that he’d actually have to lay it all out.

“When I lived in Paris… there was a guy, that I had feelings for,” Sebastian explained. “And it… really didn’t end well. It’s what led to my mom shipping me off to America, so… it really was bad. And just, _maybe_ , it messed me up a bit more than I like to admit.”

“Okay?” Blaine said, the impatience fading from his face. At least he seemed ready to listen.

“His name was Lucien, we were on the lacrosse team together. He was kind of ruling the school. Was out since before I met him, but he was so high in the pecking order nobody ever dared to mess with him. I don’t really know what he saw in me, but we got along well, and I thought I could trust him. He came on to me, and honestly… he was hot, rich, popular… jackpot, really. We never talked about what we were, and I knew better to ask. But we were hooking up like, all the time. We also hung out a lot with other people, went to parties, dancing… it could get pretty out of hand. We spent a lot of time with his older brother’s friends, so there was alcohol, there were drugs… Not like him and me were using all the time, but… yeah, sometimes. One thing we were not was exclusive. Like, I knew he was sleeping with other people, and I started doing the same. I tried to tell myself it didn’t bother me, that it was just sex and that it wasn’t supposed to be more than that. I really tried hard not to fall in love with him. Except, eventually, I kind of did. Tried to push it down for ages, until I eventually couldn’t. I saw him flirting with some other guy right in front of me, and it wasn’t the first time, but it had been kind of a rough week, so I got upset. He noticed, came after me, just to tell me not to be an idiot. So, I told him… I said I have feelings for him, and that I wanted more.” He shook his head, remembering the night, and he tried to push away all the grief and pain that had followed. “He laughed in my face,” he said eventually, “called me a dumb child – like, he was a year older – and that he had better things to do. I wouldn’t let him go that easily, started to list all the things he did for me that he didn’t do for others, and I guess some of it must have hit closer to home than he wanted, because he just… he turned away, told me he couldn’t do this anymore, to get lost like the kid that I was, and went off with his _real_ friends to go to some party, that I was very much uninvited to.”

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected from Blaine – maybe derision, telling him that it served him right, or just asking how that had been different from how he’d treated Blaine. Instead, the other boy was still watching him intently, as if he could tell that there was more to the story.

“We’d been pregaming at their parents’ house,” Sebastian said, “and some of them already had taken something. Coke, I think? I don’t really know. They got into a car, and I just… I walked home, thought the night air might clear my head or something. Wallowed in my misery. Took a detour, really took my time. When I came home, everything was in chaos. My sister was there, even, everyone was crying… and then I heard. Lucien and the others… they were in a car crash… lost control, got into the other lane, were hit… Lucien and one of the other guys died, and later the guy who hit them. And for so long I thought, if I had shut up, maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Or maybe you’d have been in that car?”

Sebastian startled, even more when he noticed how Blaine looked at him – soft and open now, and Sebastian felt the instinctive draw to tell him to save his pity. But maybe that was part of the problem.

“Either way, they found the alcohol, and the drugs in their system, and it became this whole thing. Like, everyone in their social circle was tested, everyone’s room was searched, and so many people got into trouble…”

“Did you?”

“I mean… I was smarter than store any drugs in my room. I only tried occasionally, and that was with Lucien and the others. The thing was, even though there was nothing on me, it was obvious that I’d been involved somehow. Not enough to get me into legal trouble, but my mom basically had enough. So, she called my dad, told him she was done, and they arranged that I stay with him at least for the rest of high school.”

Blaine slipped a hand into his, warm and solid in a way that felt a lot like comfort. “The punishment you talked about?”

Sebastian nodded. “That’s the story. And I thought I could just put it behind me. But then you had to come around, and be just so… I don’t know, you. I thought it was just fun, you know? And it was, but… it wasn’t just that, was it? I like you. I like spending time with you. Even outside of sex. I just… I tried to push even the idea of feeling something for you, or anyone, so far down that it would never come up, and I thought I could deal with it and be fine. Until you told me you’re in love with me, and it all kind of came crashing down…” He sighed, shaking his head. “So, that’s it, basically. The story of how I got screwed up.”

As he spoke, Blaine had leaned closer, and once he finished, pulled him into a full hug. And to his own surprise, Sebastian melted into it.

He had never really thought how he would feel like when he ever told this story. He had mentioned parts of it to Santana – especially the part about having a friend die in a drunk driving accident after she’d made fun of Mr. Schue’s offer to pick them up whenever they need to. But this, to put it all like this… no, he hadn’t told anyone.

It was strange to be vulnerable like this. But as Blaine held him, it felt like he could let go of at least some of it.

“I’m so sorry,” Blaine said. “That must have been awful… didn’t anybody think about getting you help?”

Sebastian pulled back, even as he shrugged. “Dad thinks it’s already progress for me to be around family that at least gives a damn. And to his credit, he’s trying. I know he used to work a lot more, so he’s honestly trying to spend time with me. So maybe not sending me to Dalton isn’t just meant as punishment, but because he actually wants me closer around.”

“That’s great, but don’t you think you need more than just parental presence?” Blaine asked, looking at him seriously.

“Evelyn thinks I should see a therapist,” Sebastian said. “She’s also kind of campaigning to get me out of this school, especially after Kurt’s whole transfer thing. I just don’t think it’s that bad yet.”

“That’s what you get therapy for – so it doesn’t get that bad,” Blaine replied.

“Did you talk to someone?” Sebastian shot back. It wasn’t elegant, to put a question back on him, when he was trying to get Blaine to forgive him, but he couldn’t help himself.

He felt worse, when Blaine averted his eyes. “I would have liked to,” he said, trying but failing to sound casual.

How did he do it, open himself up like this, like it was easy, even if last time he had, Sebastian had pushed him away, rejected him? And still, even as he looked away, he had the courage to be honest.

Sebastian had always felt more comfortable with deflecting.

But maybe some things were worth a risk.

Taking a deep breath, he reached out, let his hand rest on Blaine’s cheek, and turned his head, until their eyes met again.

“I’m a mess,” he said, “and I know I hurt you, and if you don’t want to give me another chance, I know I have nobody to blame but myself. But Blaine… I’m sorry for hurting you, and for pushing you away, and I know, all of what I told you is not an excuse, maybe an explanation. But I want to do better. With you. I’m in love with you, Blaine. And if you still want to give me a chance… this is freaking me out a bit, but I want to be with you, and be your boyfriend, if you still want me.”

It seemed like an eternity, but eventually, Blaine’s head moved, the tiniest nod, and then he took hold of Sebastian’s cheek, moved to the tip of his toes, and kissed him.

“Yes,” he whispered against Sebastian’s lips, before kissing him again.

Relief flooded through Sebastian like nothing he ever felt, as he kissed back. This, finally, was something he hadn’t messed up to the point of destruction. Blaine gave him another chance. He would not waste it this time.

Finally, Blaine stepped back. The smile that was spreading on his face was gorgeous, ecstatic, and utterly infectious. If Sebastian had known it would feel this good, looking at his _boyfriend_ , who looked absolutely radiant, he wouldn’t have wasted this much time. He put his hand onto Blaine’s cheek, softly stroking over the skin, because how he could ever stop touching him was kind of beyond him at the moment.

Blaine’s hand went towards his chest, following the lines of the letters, and he bowed his head, a light blush spreading over his face.

“We’re doing this, huh?” he asked.

“Looks like we are,” Sebastian said. “So… do you want to get out of here?”

Blaine looked up, the confidence right back where it belonged. “Your place?”

Sebastian’s grin widened. “Like you have to ask.”

They left the room together, but once they were in the corridor, Sebastian was very aware of the distance Blaine put between them. It took him a moment to understand what was going on there.

“You don’t have to do that,” he said. “Keep your distance like that.”

“Look, I know how public school works,” Blaine said. “And I’ve heard more than enough about this particular school. It’s okay. I’d never want to put you in any sort of danger, or uncomfortable position. This is fine by me, all I need is to know what we are. I don’t need any public displays.”

Sebastian looked after him, as he followed outside into the courtyard. Last period was out, and for a moment, he wondered how Schuester had managed to get the whole club out of class for one dumb glee performance, but he pushed the thought aside immediately. The courtyard wasn’t empty. There were a handful of jocks, some cheerios getting ready for practice, some people from band. At some point the rest of New Directions had filed out of the auditorium, still discussing their performance. All in all, there were enough people that Sebastian should make sure to keep his distance.

Then again, what for? He’d never considered himself actually in the closet. Who he was dating and who he slept with was just nobody’s business. He saw no point in walking around telling everyone his orientation. If the general assumption was that he was straight, what did it matter to him? So far, there had just been no reason to publicly correct that mistake.

Now, though?

“Hey,” he called out, getting not only Blaine’s attention, but also some of the cheerleaders sitting nearby. Well, what did that matter now?

Blaine looked at him, expectantly, and so damn gorgeous… really, nobody could blame him for this. He closed the gap between them, grabbed Blaine’s face with both hands, and brought their lips together, kissing him right there, in front of anyone, and to hell with their opinions.

Blaine gasped, freezing for a second, but then he melted into the kiss.

Sebastian definitely felt a bit out of breath when he pulled back. Slowly, the world around him got back into focus, he could hear people talking, some shocked, some grossed out, and over it all, a cheer.

He looked up at that, and his eyes fell to where the New Directions were standing, staring like the rest of the crowd. Rachel, like most of them looked shocked. Tina seemed oddly intrigued. Finn and Puck looked like their brains just crashed. Kurt stared at them with an open mouth, as if this was some sort of betrayal to him. What really mattered, though, was Santana, whistling at them and looking at him with something eerily similar to pride.

He nodded towards her, before turning back to Blaine.

“Now we can get out of here,” he said, dragging the dazed boy along with him, to the parking lot.

All in all, he figured, as their hands intertwined, this would be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay, come over to say hi, ask me anything, or just see what i'm working on atm


	8. Out Of The Woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And tada, last chapter!  
> Honestly, this must have been the fastest fic I've ever written and published. I kind of fell into a writing frenzy, so the first draft of the whole fic was written in like one week, so for every chapter I only had to edit and write all the scenes that were skipped over in the draft, but still, this was insanely fast and I'm kinda proud of it.  
> Thanks to all my readers, especially to those who left me all the lovely comments, I always love hearing what people think about a chapter, and I very much enjoyed reading them.
> 
> I'm probably taking a bit of a break after this, I'm working on a prompt for an exchange right now that isn't coming quite as easily to me as I would have hoped, and while the outline for the next multi-chapter fic stands, it'll probably be a few more weeks till I start with this one (unless I'm hit by another writing frenzy), but I hope to see you again when that comes out.
> 
> So now, please enjoy the conclusion to this story. Thank you again for reading!

* * *

“Just so we’re clear on this, Anderson – I might not have a lot of practice with it, but I do know that a funeral isn’t exactly a normal kind of date.”

“I’d assumed that until you started calling it a date,” Blaine replied, although there was a softness in his eyes that betrayed the smirk on his lips. “Seriously, though… are you sure you want to do this?”

Sebastian shrugged. “It’s not like I knew her,” he said, “but I know some people in glee club cared a whole lot to support Sue, and… I guess it’s a good thing, this close to Nationals, to have some team spirit or whatever.”

When the club at first had agreed to help with the funeral of Sue’s sister, his first instinct had been an almost violent urge to refuse, so strong that it actually concerned him. He didn’t even care that much about Sue, and hadn’t ever met her sister. It took him a bit to understand that it was the funeral part of it that threw him off. After all, the last funeral he’d been to, had been Lucien’s.

Blaine clearly made that connection a lot faster once he heard about it, and immediately offered to either come with him or take him out on a date and take his mind off everything, if he preferred that. Eventually, Sebastian had decided to join the team, but he certainly appreciated that Blaine went through the effort to come with him, only to support him. He just might appreciate that suit even more, how it fit his boyfriend like it was tailored for him.

Still, as they parked outside the venue, he found it a bit hard to actually get out of the car.

“You can still change your mind,” Blaine said.

Sebastian looked outside, and noticed some other members of New Directions already filing in. They could just leave, but he felt like it would be better to face this.

“No, let’s go,” he said instead.

It was worth it, just for the way Blaine squeezed his hand.

They were still holding hands as they walked inside. Sebastian looked around, and couldn’t help judging the whole affair even more. It wasn’t quite what he would have expected from a funeral. The décor seemed less somber and more… childlike. He only heard a few things about Sue’s sister, and from that it was probably appropriate. Still, on first glance it seemed a bit bizarre, and he wondered whether Sue would throw a fit over it.

But with Blaine beside him, it was easier to let go of this kneejerk reaction. This absolutely wasn’t his thing… but really, it wasn’t about him, neither about his taste in decoration, nor about his own issues. This was about supporting someone going through the loss of a beloved person, the one person Sue had actually cared for, from all everyone heard of. Maybe he should give this a chance.

Weird enough, as the service continued, he found himself letting his guard down. The sincerity around him, the way Sue literally choked up, even the awfully sentimental songs, but most importantly, Blaine’s hand in his, all somehow seemed to melt his defenses, and he allowed his own feelings and memories. It was impossible not to think about Lucien, how completely different it had been. As much as Sebastian hated to admit it, this was… better. Definitely more heartfelt, and more in tune with the person who’d died. Lucien’s funeral could have been for everyone, every eulogy glossing over the circumstances of his death, instead painting him as a perfect student with a bright future ahead of him. This might be sentimental, maybe a bit childish, but it felt… real.

Through it all, Blaine’s hand was warm in his – not exactly pulling him out of his memories, but more like an anchor, stopping him from drowning in them. And well, if at the end of it all, he had to blink away a tear or two, nobody really needed to know.

The funeral ended, and Sebastian had to admit that Finn and Kurt must have gotten this one right, especially with how touched Sue had seemed. It had been not as bad as he had expected, but he was still glad that it was over now. He could feel Blaine’s eyes on him, ever so subtly checking whether he was okay, and he nodded back at him.

Again, Blaine squeezed his hand. He had that look in his eye, as if he wanted to talk about this. Sebastian wasn’t sure he was quite ready for that yet. He found a welcome distraction when he caught Kurt’s eye as they walked outside. Kurt was in a conversation with Mercedes as he noticed them, but turned away after one look at where their hands were intertwined.

A quick glance to Blaine told him that the minor interaction hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“That’s still a thing, hm?” Sebastian asked. Not that this was too surprising.

Blaine shrugged, pretending it didn’t bother him. “I’m kind of not his favorite person right now, and neither are you. He’ll get over it.”

For a moment, Sebastian wondered whether they should discuss this any further. At least it would stave off the inevitable discussion about how he was doing with today, when he still wasn’t sure about it.

Blaine didn’t seem to be interested, though. Instead, he pulled Sebastian into a hug, holding him close, and pressed a kiss towards the underside of his jaw.

“Are you okay?” he asked, an open question that didn’t push him into anything.

“I think I am,” Sebastian replied. “But I really want to get out of here.”

The truth was, he felt exhausted. He couldn’t even express how grateful he was for Blaine to just take his hand and lead him back to the car without asking further questions, for getting in the driver’s seat as if he could tell just how tired Sebastian felt. Really, all he could do was stare at this boy and wonder what he ever did to deserve him.

He closed his eyes for just a second, and the next thing he knew was Blaine softly shaking him. It took him a moment to realize what was going on, that they’d arrived at his father’s house. He must have dozed off. This had been definitely more tiring than he’d expected.

As they stepped out, Sebastian noticed another car parked in front of the house.

“That’s Dad’s car,” he said frowning. “I thought he was working…”

“Maybe something came up?” Blaine suggested.

Sebastian wasn’t quite convinced, but didn’t argue. They got inside, and he found his father in the kitchen, busy with the coffee machine, looking up when he heard them.

“Dad? What are you doing here?” Sebastian asked. “I thought you had work…”

Xavier sighed, an uncharacteristically concerned expression on his face. “I decided to take the afternoon off,” he said. “Evelyn got talking to your friend Quinn’s mother at work, who told her about the funeral – not that you mentioned anything – and we weren’t too sure how you would deal with it.” His eyes fell to Blaine, and he nodded in something like appreciation. “I’m glad you’re not alone at least. Blaine, was it?”

“Yes, sir,” Blaine said.

“Well,” Xavier said, a small smile on his face, “how about we have some of this fresh coffee? And I even got my hands on some eclairs from that French bakery you like so much, Sebastian.”

Sebastian stopped, as he realized what was going on. “Wait, are we going to _talk_?”

“Don’t make it sound like a prison sentence,” his father replied. “Help me with the coffee, will you?”

It took them only a few minutes to bring everything over into the living room. They fell into some small talk, and the eclairs were already gone when his father finally turned to the actual topic.

“So, how are you holding up?” his father asked.

“Okay, I think,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “It was very different to Lucien’s funeral. And… well, it wasn’t about me.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re not affected,” his father said.

“Yeah, well…” Sebastian looked to his hands, and shrugged. “It was okay. I had Blaine to distract me.”

He didn’t need to look up to know there’d be just the hint of a soft blush on Blaine’s cheek, that he’d lower his head, and try not to let that smile blossom on his face…

He didn’t need to, but why miss an opportunity to see it?

He also noticed the subtle shift of expression on his father’s face, as he realized all this probably meant that Blaine knew about Lucien and what happened. The tiniest frown formed on his father’s face, as he turned towards Blaine. Sebastian had seen it a few times, when he’d been younger and had been thrilled to go see his father in court. This was the face he usually had at the beginning of an interrogation, before he’d let the witness know they were being grilled.

“You’re a good friend to my son, for being there for him on a day like this,” his father said.

“Actually,” Sebastian said, determined to stop this before Blaine could be made uncomfortable, “Blaine is not just my friend. He’s my boyfriend.”

His father turned towards him, surprised but not hostile in any way. When he turned back to Blaine, the frown had disappeared. Instead, there was a different kind of appraisal in his eyes.

“Then I’m happy for the both of you,” his father said. “Evelyn and I wanted to take Sebastian out to Columbus for dinner, would you like to join us again?”

This, maybe more than anything, felt like the rug being pulled from under him. His father knew, of course, that he’d dated boys back in France. When he was forced to introduce Santana, his father had taken it in stride as well – unlike Evelyn, who’d been concerned that attending a public school had forced him to go back into the closet – but Sebastian had wondered whether that had been a welcome change, a confirmation to that dumb old “just a phase” cliché… But now, that smile, and the soft nod…

It all made sense now. His father, never big on displays of emotion or sentimentality, had just been willing to let him figure things out himself, without judgment or attempts to influence him.

And maybe it was just this realization, maybe Blaine’s words had wormed their way into his mind further than he thought, or maybe it was just another truth he’d tried to tune out. Either way, with another deep breath, he just dove in.

“Dad… I’ve also been thinking… maybe it would be good if I talked to someone. A therapist. About what happened back in Paris.”

Blaine turned his head, looking at him with something close to pride, and squeezed his hand. Gratefully, Sebastian returned the gesture, before turning back towards his father.

He couldn’t remember ever seeing his father this open, vulnerable even, as when he nodded. “I think we can arrange that.”

“Evelyn will be thrilled,” Sebastian said, putting on a smirk in a weak attempt to make the moment less serious.

“I believe she prepared a list of therapists before you even left Paris,” his father said. He smiled, like he could see through Sebastian’s attempt with no effort, but still decided to humor it. “I’m sure we can find someone you can work with.”

It was almost bizarre how easy it was. Sitting together, having coffee, his father’s acceptance, Blaine’s proud smile… family time, with his father and boyfriend… Honestly, it seemed like it was out of a different dimension, something he never would have imagined for himself. But now, that he actually had it, he realized he wanted this. And honestly, he couldn’t even remember why he’d resisted so much in the first place.

Blaine squeezed his hand, raising an eyebrow as Sebastian turned in a silent question.

Sebastian just smiled, and nodded. Yeah, he was okay. Better than okay.

He felt hopeful. Like things were looking up.

* * *

Nationals was about as much of a mess as they could have expected, but for some reason Sebastian felt more entertained than exasperated. That didn’t mean he wasn’t glad when it was all over, and he found himself back at home, at the Lima Bean of all places. Sure, it had been nice to finally get out of small town Ohio for five minutes and be back in an actual city. He was honestly looking forward to college, although he didn’t quite know yet where he was going. His father certainly would be happy enough if he considered Columbia. But as nice as New York had been – and as entertaining as the disaster at Nationals had proved to be – there were a few things that New York didn’t have.

Like Blaine Anderson’s sparkling smile, as he listened to the whole sordid tale that had ended with Finn and Rachel making out on stage.

“So, really, looking back, I was right – best thing you did not get messed up in all that,” he finished. “I’d hate to see you heart-broken over Rachel Berry. When Jesse St. James does it, it’s at least entertaining.”

Blaine was just so managing not to laugh out loud. “Sorry, you people are kind of insane,” he said.

“Hey, keep me out of that, I did my part of swaying in the background like expected,” Sebastian said. “No drama from me.”

“Still… too bad you lost, though,” Blaine said.

“Oh, please, did you hear our setlist?” Sebastian asked. “Of course, we weren’t going to win. I mean, we were okay, but we were not on the level to compete with groups like Vocal Adrenaline. And even if Jesse St. James is running around, telling everyone that it was that kiss that cost us the win, everyone knows he’s just jealous that Rachel didn’t get back together with him, so…”

“You’re not upset at all, hm?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Us going to Nationals at all was a miracle,” he said. “Winning was always utopic. So, I just enjoyed the trip, performing… It’s not the end of the world.”

“Good, I’d hate for you to be disappointed,” Blaine said, smiling.

“Oh, in that case…” Sebastian began.

Blaine laughed, turning away as the blush spread on his face. Unfortunately, that meant his eyes fell to the counter where Kurt and Rachel had just gotten their coffee.

Sebastian sighed, as he could already tell where this was going. As expected, Blaine lifted his hand for a wave, whereas Kurt noticed them, glared at Sebastian, and demonstrably turned towards Rachel.

Blaine sighed, although at least he seemed more annoyed than upset at this. “So, I’m starting to think he isn’t going to get over it,” he said, turning back to Sebastian. “I don’t get it… we were friends. Is that just out of the window because I’m dating someone else?”

“At least he’s not complaining about the friendzone,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “But to be honest, he’s more pissed at me than at you.”

“Why’s that?” Blaine asked.

“Where to begin… Obviously, for a start there’s me stealing you away from right under his nose. Plus, _staying in the closet_ ,” and he made sure to make the quotations marks around that as obvious as he could without actually doing airquotes, “while he was getting bullied. Then the whole dating Santana and treating her like a beard thing, like she wasn’t doing the same with me and Brittany… Oh, and of course, prom.”

Blaine frowned. “Prom? But… we didn’t go to prom.”

Santana had actually been annoying in trying to make him ask Blaine to the dance. It had led to him sitting Blaine down, announcing that prom was coming up, and asking his boyfriend if he’d do him the incredible honor to skip the damn thing.

Like he’d even think to ask Blaine to a school dance at Homophobia High after what he’d been through…

They’d spent the evening at Sebastian’s, his parents out on some gala. There’d been expensive wine, fancy take-out, and some creative use of cream. All in all, he still thought he’d chosen the better option.

“So, you know how the girls basically waged war against each other about the Prom Queen election, right?” Sebastian asked. “Well, turns out, there was a shadow campaign going on, so at prom, Kurt and I were elected as prom royalty. I got King, in case you were wondering. And, well, since my election was In Absentia, Kurt was left to deal with it on his own. So, he’s not exactly thrilled about that.”

Blaine stared at him, his mouth open, and his eyes darted towards the door where Kurt and Rachel had just left.

“That’s _awful_ ,” he said. “What else has been going on there?”

“Nothing too bad,” Sebastian said with a shrug, “definitely nothing that I can’t deal with. Santana still has my back, and most people are too scared to mess with her.” He wondered whether he should go further into this. Artie and Brittany had broken up before prom, and he definitely knew that Santana had gone back to spending a lot more time with Brittany again. She hadn’t shared anything yet, but Sebastian felt cautiously optimistic on her behalf. Still, it wasn’t his secret to share. He’d just keep quiet and hope for the best.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with anything,” Blaine said.

“I mean, it’s seriously not that bad,” Sebastian said. “Some slurs sprayed on my locker, I once got a slushie to the face… Mr. Shue tried to do a Coming Out Theme Week, I had to threaten to quit glee club to get out of that. Oh, and then there were these two idiots on the soccer team who tried to get me kicked off because apparently they felt uncomfortable. Like… I’m the Captain. I’m the one who put the damn team on the map. They were a joke before I showed up.”

“Did your coach do anything?” Blaine asked.

“Obviously not, he’s just as useless,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “It’s okay, I spread the rumor that I only let them on the team for sucking my dick, so the whole thing spectacularly backfired on them.”

Blaine chuckled, but still looked concerned. “I just hate that you have to deal with that.”

“Honestly, I love it,” Sebastian said, trying not to look too smug.

Judging from Blaine’s expression, it didn’t work too well.

“What? This is great,” Sebastian said. “Seriously. All I had to do was drop some hints to Evelyn, including about the whole prom disaster, and she decided to go full on step-mom. Called a family conference, and really put the pressure on my dad. And then, I may have told him the more colorful stories of discrimination at McKinley. Let’s say, my father is even less impressed with them now than he was before. Plus, I’ve been so well behaved all year, barely got into any trouble, and then there’s you and your private school manners that even impress my dad, and Evelyn simply adores you, and you’re such a good influence on me… Long story short, while I was in New York, my father went to sign all the papers… So, once the new school year rolls around, it’s Goodbye, public school stench. Hello, blazer.”

“Wait, are you saying-“

“That you’re looking at the newest student of Dalton Academy,” Sebastian confirmed, not even trying to suppress the wide smirk on his face.

Blaine’s eyes seemed to gleam, and he took Sebastian’s hand resting on the table.

As Sebastian returned the gesture, he couldn’t help thinking back to that first conversation, only a few feet from where they were sitting now. It had seemed so simple, just to help this gorgeous boy out with his crisis.

He’d had no idea. Probably better this way. If he’d known just how far Blaine would be able to dig under his skin and into his heart, he probably would have run screaming. Now, there was no doubt that his life had changed, and for the better. He still had Santana n his corner, their friendship maybe stronger than ever before now that all their secrets were out in the open. He’d made his peace with New Directions, but certainly wouldn’t cry over leaving them behind. He’d still see Santana, probably Brittany, and he had a feeling he wouldn’t shake Mike or Sam, either. Still, he had no doubt that he’d find his place with the Warblers, not to mention that dating their beloved leader would probably set him up for success already. Even his family life had improved. He and his father were talking more, much to Evelyn’s delight. Then there was therapy, which had positively surprised him with several points, mostly by not just focusing on how Lucien’s death had screwed him up, but how he’d even got to the point to get messed up with Lucien and his friends in the first place. There were more things to unearth than he’d expected, but he slowly realized that dealing with these things would probably be better in the long run than pretending everything was fine.

And of course, Blaine. The one who’d started all this turn around, by being brave, and open, and vulnerable, and impossible not to fall in love with. Definitely the most important change in his life. Sebastian had no intention to let him slip away again.

Blaine must have noticed the intensity in his look, because he looked at him in that bemused way. “What?” he asked.

Sebastian let his thumb stroke over the skin of Blaine’s hand, warm and familiar as it now was. With a soft smile, he looked up till their eyes met.

“I love you,” he said, the words as easy as breathing.

And this, Blaine’s eyes softening as his smile widened, the happiness so clear it was almost palpable, felt like home.

“I love you too,” Blaine said.

And the Lima Bean and all its patrons be damned, as Sebastian leaned over the table to pull him into a kiss, he finally felt like his life was on the right track.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay


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